My Emotional State towards dating:

Bashful…..shucks, I am looking my age, strapless may not work
Doc……a martini can fix just about everything… order me a double
Dopey…..am I really going to fall for that line, again
Grumpy…..another night resulting in wasted time and energy
Happy…..well I didn’t stay home and clean the toilet this Saturday
Sleepy……perhaps I will just wake-up with Mr. Right by my side
Sneezy….. I could feign allergies as a way out or blame it on the kid’s cold

Aw shucks, I think I will just stay home and read Snow White to my daughter one more time!

judy - funny and clever. Good job.

I would say my attitude toward dating is A - it’s exciting, sexy, flirtatious, etc.

But - my attitude towards looking for someone to date is C - it seems pointless, especially searching on the internet but also in real life - where exactly am I supposed to go look?

So I try to walk around not searching, but with an open mind so that when she does enter my sites, I allow myself to feel that spark of chemistry, and response A kicks in big time! (That’s kind of how it’s supposoed to work, no?)

I haven’t always loved dating — I think I was too insecure in my youth — but I have enjoyed it in my middle-aged, no longer in my prime years (and isn’t that odd?!?!)

And that’s just because I know myself better now, and dating is stripped of wanting things from it — wanting a husband, kids, the “American Dream.” All I want to do is meet interesting people and see what kind of connection we can have. So that has been very freeing.

I think if you’re putting a lot of expectations on dating, you can often end up frustrated. So I’m all about your adjectives in A.

Can we Have two answers? If so I choose:

B. Tedious, stressful, aggravating, frustrating, disappointing, annoying, upsetting, exasperating, addictive

C. Detached, boring, indifferent, pointless, empty, vapid, uninspiring, same ol ’same ol’, predictable

I have a boyfriend, we don’t get to date. Our biggest fights are about our sex life, or lack thereof.

I am now to a point, where seriously, I am not sure If I would care if I ever have sex again. It’s more of a chore on my “honey-do” list, then something I want to do.

My life, today, is sad.

Oh Ana! That sucks. I hope you guys figure that out - try to get out on a real date. We do at least once a month and so far so good. But there are definitely some nights when I could care less about sex.

Rachel - I seriously can’t think of any adjectives right now.Sigh.

How is the biologist??? We all want to know. I think you alluded to it up there… “I’m following Kerner’s Detox plan right now, and I’ll let you know how it goes (whew, this guy is working me!).”

Well…don’t answer if you don’t want to … but I’m happy for you!

Hi Rachel - Bad Home Cook here, finally getting around to answering your question (thanks for the book, btw! I can’t wait!)
So Mr. Flamenco guitarist did play the gig, and did arrive at my house earlier than expected. But my insecurities were sharpened to a killing point, and we ended up in a huge fight and he left. The next day, however, Valentine’s Day proper, he showed up unannounced, with two bouquets of flowers and several bottles of wine, and we proceeded to kiss and make-up. He opted not to take another offered gig because, as he said, “I don’t think our relationship could withstand another one of these!”
Stay tuned, as we like to say. At least I don’t have to date.

Right now my attitude and experience is with category “A”…but I’d also add “a little scary and frustrating” too (part of B). I add the second part because it is MUCH harder than I expected trying to swing a relationship with 2 busy jobs, my kids, his kids (who are grown), one grandson (his - he’s a young grandpa!) and life in general in the mix. Plus, it’s been a long time since I’ve been in a true relationship, which is always a little scary. But, hey, riding the roller coaster is what makes life interesting!

Dear Rachel,

I don’t believe it’s dating anymore after you’ve been married or in a committed relationship and now you’re single. I’d rather call it re-dating.

So here are my feelings about me re-dating:

Trepidation – how do I tell my kids I’ve found someone else? I haven’t. But if I did when do I tell them? What do I say and how? Can I bring them home for a re-date?

Nervousness – I asked someone for a re-date. It’s so bloody awkward. I felt like a foal getting its legs for the first time.

Titillation – I’ve been flirting with a woman who I’d like to know better. I’m sure she sees that I’m still mending a bit. I secretly wish that she’d take the initiative and just grab me. I try a little more each week to work up the courage to say more than just hi. It’s empowering. But it’s frustrating at the same time.

Don’t get me wrong. Personally, I feel amazing most everyday. I feel good about myself and who I am, even on my crunchy days. I’m willing to try re-dating. I just don’t have the heart or interest to look too hard or expect anything.

It’s no biggie, though! I’ve got my kids. I’ve got my friends and family. I’ve got lots of books and cool hobbies. And I’ve got me. That’s pretty good company! So who needs a re-date? 8-)P