If kids are along, how is it a date?

I never would. I’ve heard (on dates) from men who have had it happen to them and none of them like it. If a woman says, “Can I bring my child?” and they say no, they are cads. Saying yes changes everything.

Why would you want your child to meet someone who is merely “a date?” My children have only ever met someone who was very important to me. I am single 5 years, my children are not young, and they have met 2 met. And I’ve dated many more.

Just my two cents!

Amy,
Great point! Defining this as a date… is certainly inaccurate. Thanks.

I’m curious to hear from the men out there — have you experienced this?

I know a handful of single moms by choice — who had babies on their own — who would go to meet a date with their babe sleeping in the Bjorn. Usually, the reason was that childcare fell through. Is it any different if you have wee little ones?

I’ve only been single just under a year, but I started dating at about the six month mark. I have never taken any of my four kids on a date…though I will admit I considered taking my then 2 year old when she almost refused to go with their dad and I had firm plans. Fortunately she ended up going so I didn’t have to make the decision. I have now been seeing a guy for two months we are exclusive and none of my kids know I’ve ever even been on a date. I have all kinds of potentially crazy rules… I really want him to meet them, but I’m not ready for them to meet him. Eventually I plan to introduce them in a way that he looks like the friend of other friends rather than my boyfriend.

I wouldn’t take my son with me on a date. I’m not sure I would really want to meet a woman for the first time with either my or her children in tow. As single parents though, it isn’t like we can keep our children out of the equation forever though. As I am reading in the book Dating for Dads, you really want to make sure you let your children know you are dating. The backlash and alienation can be severe if they learn through some other means or very late in the process. I have had a couple of women get mad at me for not introducing them to my son, but we had only been out on a couple of dates and it just wasn’t time. Neither had children either…and the dating pretty much stopped right at that point. I would say most of us end up in “uncomfortable” situations at some point with our dates and our children, either by accident or by not thinking things through all the way. Sometimes our primal desires cloud our thinking right?

I would at least wait until I got to know the guy, because I don’t want to expose my child to someone who could be potentially a creep.

But once I’ve gotten to know a guy a little, I don’t see the harm as long as it is presented in the right way. I have lots of friends, both male and female, and my daughter is used to being around them. I don’t see much difference with a guy I’m dating, as long as we keep our hand off each other while she’s around. It’s important to me that a guy I date gets along with my daugher, so I’d hate to see someone for 6 months and grow to really like him, and then once he meets her they don’t hit it off and I have to dump him.

I…can’t imagine suggesting that a woman bring her kids along on a date. I would feel incredibly presumptuous. I just think that is her decision completely and the last thing I’d want to do is make her feel uncomfortable.

I’d let her know that I’m interested when I was ready but I really think, other than letting her know I was open to it, I wouldn’t push it.

(I assumed we’re talking about the initial stages of dating.)

-R.

I’m currently dating a single mom with a 2 year old. We were introduced to each other through eharmony.com

The night of our first date her sitter called to cancel an hour before our date. Rather than postponing I asked if she wanted to bring her son along. I explained to her that being an active uncle with my 4 nephews and 3 nieces that I would be completely ok with her having her son at the restaurant as long as she was. We had a good time talking and her son was great bridge in getting over the nerves of meeting her for the first time since I had experience with children even though I have none of my own.

We’ve been dating for a couple of weeks and everything seems to be going great! Do you have any tips or advice for a single man with no kids dating a mother of a 2 year old? I’m 33 and she is 32.

KATE:

Hell

and

No.

It’s tough, finding time to date when you have children; I know, but first dates with them? Never.

I’m with Jenn. I haven’t and wouldn’t. Not the first date, not the second date, not period.

Anyone I date will know that I have a child and will have to be comfortable with that before we can proceed. As well, over time, he should be interested in getting to know her and want to spend time with her. I need to be sure about all of that before he will ever even meet her. My four-year-old is very, very sharp and I’m just not going to expose her to my “dates” and have to deal with all of her questions and wondering who this person is and how he fits into the picture. (Saying he’s a friend simply will not cut it!)

Dating whether you have kids or not is hard enough, but as responsible adults, we owe it to our kids to keep this part of our lives separate and not subject them to it in the early stages. (And I believe if you can’t swing a babysitter, stay home with your kids and put your libido on hold.)

I suppose I would, if my kid were paying ….

I am so lucky — my kid’s a teen and he doesn’t even want to be in the same room (house?) as I am!

Actually, my column next week will be all about dating (as a middle-aged woman) with kids. It’s been interesting.

Love your blog, btw. Thanks for stopping by mine.

Disclaimer: In hindsight, I’d never bring my kid in tow again…

I appreciate what Crazy Computer Dad says about letting your kids know that you’re dating. But at what age? When is it appropriate?

Kelly: I also have a great posse of friends — male and female — so it wasn’t stretching it to hang out with a male friend for an hour… Still, kids at any age pick up on the excitement/unspoken intimacy.

Random Esq: Thanks for chiming in! You’ll have to let us know if you date a single mom, okay?

Jenn and LEM: I hear you two!

Kat: Thanks for cracking me up. I can’t wait to read your next column.

When I started dating after my twins were a few months old I made it very clear to my prospective dates that first off I am a MOM, and my kids are my priority. I also made it clear I don’t have a lot of baby sitters so getting out is very hard. Most of the men were very understanding of this, and if they were not, they weren’t worth my time.

That said, a couple of dates were made meeting at a local park and strolling our infants (his as well) around the lake. It put a huge dose of reality into the situation and was a very good temerature gauge for weeding out the worthwhile men from the fodder.

While I met some very sincere and wonderful men that way, I certanily only chose that approach because my children were so small and wouldn’t know I was “dating”. Going forward as they get older it will be important to keep the lines of communication open with them and I will involve them less.

Though, I think being as forthright about my priorities with the men I date is essential.

As for settling for Mr. Good Enough . . I’ve met him . . .and he drives me CRAZY! I’m sticking it out for Prince Charming.

No and I don’t think I could. I can’t really relax and have a good time when I’m trying to entertain a kid & his chatter doesn’t really encourage grown up conversation.

Maybe if you were going to a fair or festival something outside with things to entertain the kids, but definitely not in the early stages.