LOL just the thought of having to endure sex with the ex is enough to turn me ice cold. Shudder to think. Blerg. Bleah. Now I have to wash my imagination out with soap, because I feel so skeezed.

It’s good to know, though, that my feelings against him run so true and strong and deep that he can never fool me again.

Legs crossed for sure!

Like Rachel, my ex resurfaced—not once, but several times before we eventually divorced after 5 years. Initially it was 6 months after he left, then a few months later, then more months later, then in much shorter intervals in between. We were on and off so much until I FINALLY realized that he wasn’t really trying to get help for his addiction and bipolarism, as he claimed, and I knew my daughter and I were better off without him.

Now he actually is getting help, is gainfully employed, and has attempted to reconnect with us/me, on several levels besides sex. While the sex was one of the best things about our relationship (and he’s extremely handsome and sexy and has a great body!), I just haven’t felt crazy enough or desperate enough to rekindle that flame. (I did contemplate briefly on having him as my boy toy, but decided not to confuse the issue for him while he was finally attempting to be a father.) I think if there was ever any chance that we could get back together, work out and stay together I would probably do it, but I don’t trust him and I just don’t see that happening. So, I’m letting sleeping dogs lie.

Hi,

My former wife took off with another man and left the kids and me at the house. She contacts the kids and me occasionally by phone, but we have no physical contact.

So no, I have not had sex with her and I won’t. And I have no interest. Yes, I miss the essence of who she really is. But she is a an unmedicated, diagosed bipolar. So I don’t miss the turmoil and uncertainty that she caused in our lives.

Heck, I haven’t had any sex or even a real kiss for almost a year. But I don’t care. I keep myself busy with my kids and with new interests like designing web pages and writing short stories. The gym helps, too. 8-)P

Yes, yes, (sigh) I did too. He came from another state to watch my daughter during spring break. I allowed him to stay at my house—and after a week, we slept together. Yes, it happened despite the fact that he was such an ass during the marriage, hardly calls our daughter, occasionally pays child support–I even speak terribly about him–and yet, I slept with him–and whew, was it good?

Ironically, it was closure for me. We left on terrible terms—in my mind, I thanked him for the lovely evening and was finally able to have a beautiful closure.

Would I sleep with him again? No.

SoloMother and Legal Editor: You are strong women. Bravo.

A Mommy: You know that I get it.

CH: I hear you about the gym. Wish I’d thought about that one before, but I do get the perks of exercise nowadays.

[...] Mom Seeking recently blogged about having slept with her ex (who was the father of her child, so there was more gravity involved). For me, sleeping with an ex [...]

I’ve slept with ex-girlfriends, for all the wrong reasons (coincidentally enough, I was just blogging about this subject. Synchronicity…)

I was never interested in sleeping with my ex-wife. I did try to reconcile with her a few years after the marriage ended, mainly for the kids’ sake, but also to stop leading a split life (single dad and single man). But the sexual attraction died for both of us with the divorce.

I do have female friends who’ve slept with their ex-husbands in hopes they would rekindle the flame, so you definitely are not alone.

Rachel, unfortunately some of us did fall into that pit hole and for the wrong reasons too. The ex came back after a long absence to settle about the pending divorce matters. One thing lead to another and barely 2 days before court settlement, he said he wanted to sleep with me for the last time *as his wife*. I thought, ok, what harm can it done? We went back to our former marital home. I tell you, it was a big mistake. I broke down while still in bed. There was no more feelings in me to take complete the entire act..I cried when I looked at his face as I realised that the marriage was truly over.

Hmmm…while reading this, my legs clamped themselves shut….wonder what that means?

Funny this should come up. My ex is desperately trying to get remarried. He says the third time will be a charm. That’s right I got sucked in once before! This time around I was so traumatized by his addictions and mental instability that the thought of sex with him gives me chills. Not only would it encourage him but I can only imagine where his “stuff” has been since we last split.

JM,
Thank you for commenting; your post is exactly what I needed to just say no! I know everyone’s experience is different, but my gut kept telling me not to make the same mistake twice. (In getting back with my ex.) So thank you!

I did indeed have sex with my ex. And that is the reason I’m now a mother so I can’t completely regret it.

I did sleep with the man whose sperm i allowed to impregnate me. The man who lives ten minutes away and does not see his child. It felt good to do it because some part of me was thinking mayve some magic will happen and he will turn from a toad into a prince. It didn’t happen! In fact he turned from a toad into a comodo dragon! The reality is, i was thinking with my vagina and my heart and not my BRAIN. A man who does not fulfill his responsibility is no good.

After a year of no sex…I decided that I would once again engage in it with my sons father. This being the man who is bi-polar, a functioning alcoholic, a cheater in our relationship and currently is in midst of ending the one he is on the rocks with. I caved to my sexual desire for contact, intimacy, to be touched and in the moment, it felt good. After the deed it was empty and lonely. He indicated to me “your the mother of my child, it’s different”. I am sick of men using this ‘term’ as an excuse to cheat. I am not pardoning myself in the act…rather, trying to figure out how we went from the ‘possibility’ of dating one day again, to the bedroom. I am feeling odd about my choice. Not bad, not good, indifferent. I am unsure if two people who have a ‘history’ and a ‘child’ can engage in a sexual act, without feeling or confusion getting in the way?!
However, thank you to all you lovely people who post words of wisdom and insight. In the darkness of confusion, it helps to see the light.

Dad’s House: Synchronized indeed! Mamas, check out what this single dad has to say about sleeping with your ex (well, not “your” ex!)

H: Thank you for being so upfront about how all of that emotional havoc can sway us to make such rash decisions.

Jenn: Here’s to leg clamping! I hear you–

JM: Hindsight is worth a lot, yes?

Kimberly: “Thinking with my vagina.” Brilliant! You have inspired me… Perhaps a whole post about this one?

LEM: Sounds like your gut is talking sense.
Tanya: Thanks for being so open here, and I’m glad that this discussion is helping you.

Tanya: Thanks for being so open. You have truly shown how emotional this can be. Glad the discussion is helping.

I slept with my ex, for me, it was hope. For him, it was a booty call. And it left me feeling used and … sad all over again. But, we pick ourselves up and dust off, and try, try again. I can tell you that’s the last time I ever let myself feel like that. If I could do it without emotion? Well hell, I could pick someone up in a bar.

I’ve been divorced for 8 years….me and my ex are close….I think….we had a problem with the kids about a month ago…next thing I know…we are sleeping together…and honestly, it was the best sex I’ve had with him. He now calls me almost every day….talking about all sorts of things….he actually helped clean my apartment when I was at work and he came to pick up our daughter….was it just a booty call? I don’t know, I don’t care….I’m just enjoying the moments.

I slep with the father of my 2 children after I left the house. somehow he seems to be easy access for a one night stand. I get what I want and so does he. so why is it so wrong to have sex with your ex as long as u don’t get your feelings involved?