Go ahead and call me a drama queen. But I was so unsettled after passing that note to my postman. I couldn’t sleep.
Thanks to the readers who used the word “brave” to describe me — but many of you also pointed out that I know nothing about him. Yes, he’s my postman, and he wears a cute blue uniform. But I don’t even know his name. It was Crazy Computer Dad who cautioned me to “be nice because this guy handles your mail.”
The day after I handing him my note, I do what most of us do to keep the wheels turning. At dawn, I spooned coffee into the percolator, and then perched at my computer. M was up, milk and cereal were served, I tried to untangle her knots , and we were off. She biked to school and I ran behind her. I was back at my desk, and the day moved on, predicable and ordinary.
I’d taken a chance and crossed the line. I’d said, “I want to be wanted.”
I tried not to scold myself. I reread 7th grade Reading Standards for my current gig. Around noon, I got up to dry a load of laundry. When I came back to my desk, there was a message. Actually, there were two messages.
Message No. 1:
“Hi Rachel, this is Marco.” (Not his real name, but he has a lovely name, from a Shakespeare play, and a heavenly voice.) “We briefly met at the post office yesterday (he’s laughing). I would love to hear from you, so give me a call. All right, bye bye.”
Message No. 2:
Laughing again, “I’m sorry, I didn’t leave my number–”
I thought about waiting before I called him back. But I’ve never played games like that.
When he picked up on the second ring, I heard lots of beeping in the background. “Uh, sorry, did I reach you at work?”
“No, I’m at the grocery store,” he said. “I’m getting a bowl of chile to warm up my insides.”
Did you just say that you need to warm up your insides? Excuse me while I get a hold of myself–
“Thanks for calling me,” I said. “I promise, I’m not a stalker.”
He laughed. “Oh, no, I didn’t think that.”
I sighed, relieved.
“I couldn’t open your letter until after I left work,” he said. ” Or, it would look like I was opening someone’s mail–”
Yes, that had crossed my mind.
“It made my day,” he added. “I was flattered.”
If you could’ve seen my huge smile–
“Whew,” I said, “I was already thinking that I’d have to change my PO Box.”
“No!” he said.
“Well, I’m already going to a basketball game on Valentine’s Day. But I’d like to see you before that. Would that work?”
Would that work?… It just so happens that recently, my mom planned to take M to dinner and a movie this weekend.
“I’m free on Saturday,” I said.
He said that he’s going to a youth poetry event (poetry!). He’ll call me after it ends.
I need your help again:
I’m going to offer to take him out to dinner (and I’ll pay, because I’m the one who did the asking out). Do you agree?
What do you think about a first date kiss? (Just writing that makes me queasy again.) I don’t think it’s a good idea–
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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
YAY!!! i’m so happy for you!!! sorry i have no advice regarding who should pay, but i think it would be a nice gesture if you offered. as far as the kiss goes, i think you should do whatever you’re comfortable with. don’t have any expectations and just see how it goes. have fun on your date!!!
I am from the antipodes – I know NOTHING about dating rituals. And I am not the girl to ask about kisses on first dates either, really.
But good luck! And I am intrigued a the Youth Poetry Event… There will likely be few flowery verses at such a venue, ha ha ha ha ha.
Never pick up the check the first time no matter how the date got set up. It sends the signal that your intention is “friend” not lover.
Wow! I am keeping my fingers crossed . You so deserve someone special!
I don’t agree that picking up the check sends a “friend” signal. I think he realizes that you’re attracted to him and interested in him, so that does not indicate friend. And I agree with you, you did make the offer, even if it was just to get the ball rolling. So live up to it, and see how it goes from there. If he reciprocates the interest after your first date, there are bound to be others.
Finally, I know you’re nervous, but stop obsessing! And don’t worry about the kiss possibility until you’re in the moment. Just have a good time and go with what you’re comfortable with. Wishing you well…
I’m with LEM here. And no I’m not going to offer any suggestions, that would be really Jr. High, right? Cheers & Good Luck! ‘VJ’
I am in no position to give advice. I just wanted to say good luck!
Offer to pick it up. But if he insists on paying – let him. It would be a bruise to his ego if you didn’t. Then you can offer to buy the drinks after dinner. Have fun!!!
Whaou ! Hope it will work out fine between you two ! Wait and see if he offers to pay, too. May be he would like to pay, or at least share the bill with you (it is important to some men).
I cross my fingers
It sounds like he’s already interested, so I’m guessing unless you suddenly have a psychotic break in the middle of dinner, you probably can’t go wrong with whatever choice you make … Sadly, I haven’t had a date in, let me see … FOR-E-VER, so I’ll have to settle for living vicariously – I have officially added you to my blog roll, and can’t wait to see how it turns out – good luck!
Wow I love it. I am excited and nervous for you. I agree with Ms Single Mama 100%. About the kiss, I would go with the flow. I usually don’t intiate but I did have to with my guy. We were on date #4 and still no smooch so I went for it. Have fun!
My advice? Offer to pay, but if he lets you, get a new P.O. box. If he pays, a kiss is great – if he doesn’t at least offer (and fight for the right) – then kiss him goodbye.
I’m a little old fashioned in that sense. He should pay on the first date — even if you asked. It sets a precidence for manners and chivalry, imo. To hell with being a modern woman, you seem to want something very traditional even if you go about getting it in a thoroughly ’08 type of way.
Or not. Only you know what works for you, Rachel.
Good luck!
Yay Rachel!!! Pay? Not pay? I”m not sure. Haven’t been on a date in a looong time. Can’t wait to hear what happens!!!!!
Rachel, I would offer to pay, but if he jumps in, let him – you could also say that you’d love to return the favor sometime (unless you learn you’d rather not see him again). I like it when a guy pays at least the first time, too, but since you asked him out I wouldn’t assume that he would/will.
Ah, the goodnight kiss, which, as you know, freaks me out to no end (especially after one recent experience – yech). Go with what feels right. If the night doesn’t go well, but he’s a nice guy (who also will be handling your mail), I’d say no kiss but maybe a hug. But if you’re feeling it, a little peck won’t hurt. And if it turns into more, well… Can’t wait to hear more!
I totally think that you should pick up the check… you asked him out. As for the kissing… well.. in theory I think there should only be the first date “peck” but then I’m also a strong believe in the “no rules” school of dating. Creates too many complications.
Congrats Rachel, I’m in awe of your bravery! I’d probably offer to treat but I bet he’ll want to pick it up. I can’t think of a first date that didn’t insist on paying.
Wooohooo!! I think offering to pay is a great thing, however, if he is the way he sounds…he probably will refuse and say that he should.(he sounds almost like a old fashion romantical type..LOL) As far as the kiss goes, I would not even decide on that ahead of time! It might feel good, or it might feel awkward…just dont over think it and let things happen naturally. Good luck! Cant wait to hear what happened!
Wow, Rachel, I havent peek in a here for a while and look what have you been up to. Naughty girl! All the best and yes, do offer to pick up the bill but if he insists, then, let him. Of course, at this point of time, you are obliged to tell all after V Day!
Rachel,
Just go and have fun. No expectations. No “what ifs”—-woman, enjoy your dinner and his company. The rest will happen all on it’s own if it’s meant to happen. As for who pays—I always bring money just in case—as the check arrives, I usually offer to pay–I don’t think you’re under any obligation to pay for both of you. What usually helps me is reminding myself that there are no rules–you really have to do what feels right for you at the moment. Again, the whole point of this is to have fun, fun, fun!
Oooh, I’m so excited for you! Please, please keep us posted! I only WISH I had that kind of courage. My son will be 5 months on Saturday (where the heck did the time go???) and I often wonder if I will ever find love again. So please, allow me to live vicariously through you, even if only for a little while.
Rachel, I agree in part with Susan, offer to pay, but defer to his insistance if it occurs.
On the “kiss,” this is the older male perspective: ha nd shake==don’t call agian, hug (and believe me, there’s nothing wrong with a hug-I’ve gone all tapioca over a hug)==I’m still processing, haven’t decided yet, kiss==please call me again (don’t make it a grope kiss, you might seem too desperate. Unless I’m desperate, this is a turn-off. Desperation====T-R-O-U-B-L-E.) An affectionate hug, a brush on the cheek, and an honest “I had a very good time.” will always get you a follow-up phone call, which is what you want.
As for me, I want a date, would like a date, Methuselah was alive the last time, but don’t need a date.
Dr. J