After reading all of your enthusiastic comments here, I decided to go for it.
NOT one of you discouraged me from making a move. Thank you, also, to my cousin Marge (who is more like my Aunt, and often emails advice to me), who wrote: “What struck me in your blog — nor did I see it in anyone else’s comment — is that you didn’t mention Rule #1: Make sure he is not married and is actually available.”
Good point, Marge. So, I sat down and typed out this note:
Hi,
I don’t know the first thing about you. I don’t even know if you’re single (are you?). I would like to take you out for Valentine’s Day. If you’re not single — or if not interested — can you please put this in the paper shredder ASAP?
Thanks, Rachel (my phone number)
Rereading the note now, it sounds so junior high. Did I really have to add that Valentine’s bit? I could have just said, “Call me.”
But I put the note in a white envelope, sealed it, and pushed it into my bag.
The note stayed there all day. I couldn’t go through with it. Just the thought of handing him this to him turned me into a basket case.
Still, I had to go to the post office and get my mail. Really. In the car, I put on a little lipstick.
When I strolled in, I spotted him right away. It was very crowded and I didn’t look long enough to make eye contact. I couldn’t. I was nauseas. I couldn’t do it. I’d have to come back and tell all of you that I was too chicken.
I could come back another day, or ditch this craziness altogether. I got my mail — no overflow — and used the automatic machine to get a stamp for my latest book winner. But I’d missed the last pick up up the day, and the mailbox was locked. I could hold onto the book, or… When I turned around, he was looking at me, kind of hard and soft at the same time.
I tried to breathe. I walked up to him at the counter. He smiled.
I said, “Hi, uh, would you mind mailing this? I guess I missed the pick-up.”
He smiled and took the package. I definitely was not breathing. But I did my very best to play it cool.
“And this is for you,” I said, handing him the white envelope.
“For me?” he said.
“Uh huh.” I was weak. I thought I’d fall over.
Then I turned around and walked away.
That was six hours ago. I haven’t heard a word. I feel like a fool.
I wanted to go out with a good human being of a man who would make my heart skip. No, I don’t feel desperate or needy. I just wanted to connect, talk, laugh. That’s all. He’s probably married. My cousin Marge is right: I should have looked for a wedding ring.
So, what now?
Have I made a complete fool of myself?
I’m already making plans to relocate my P.O. Box to another city.
If he doesn’t call, I will try my very best not to take it out on all of you here.
P.S. I don’t know if One-Woman Show meant to make a pun when she emailed me: “I think you should try the note approach! Keep us posted…”
I will.
P.P.S. My single mom friend, Siobhan, trying to calm me down: “I think you are brave and bold. Sometimes you gotta lick a few funky froggy stamps before the prince emerges!”
Love stamp created by Oph3lia
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Read the book! Single Mom Seeking is a tell-all about how to date and remain a dedicated and involved parent. It’s a spunky, sexy, and moving chronicle of the humor, pitfalls, and rewards of balancing it all — single-mom style. |
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We are curious creatures and we ask questions, whether towards a business colleague, our parents, our friends or a man/woman we want to date.
What we all seem to forget sometimes is that the word “NO” is just that…a word, a little 2 letter word that we hear many times during the day. Sometimes it breaks our heart and sometimes it is a relief to hear.
When it comes down to it, what do we have to lose when we ask questions? I think it is better to ask and get any answer than wind up kicking your self in the ass for not asking at all.
What is the worst he can say???? “No, I’m married.” Big Deal… It will give you something to laugh about for the next few years. What is the best he can say???? “How about coffee?”
The point is… you were brave for asking, you would never know the true answer unless you asked and by asking you may have just started a new chapter (or in your case a new book) in your life.
I love it…
Yay!!! I’m SO proud of you. He’s probably getting up the nerve to call you as we speak! If he doesn’t then you’ll know he’s not single…and be all the braver and stronger for taking matters into your own hands.
If he is in fact single – there’s no way he won’t call. It might take him a day or two – he doesn’t want to seem to “desperate” or “too available.”
Conclusion: no call = taken. NOT a rejection b/c he was totally hitting on you earlier this week.
Wow Rachel! What guts! I don’t think I’d ever be able to do that, but because I don’t have the guts to do it, I’m happy to stay single for the rest of my life. That would have made me throw up from nerves. You get super props! The only time I’d be able to do something that ballsy is after 3 rum and cokes and a shot of jager. Rachel is da bomb!
Let me just say that you are one brave girl. A lot of times I regretted not making a move. Since I work with the public, I can tell you that the note is a good idea. Supervisors are around and when people talk a bit too long they make comments on how to cut people off and so on. Also one time I got two hot adorable french guys and as I was trying to concentrate on helping them, one of them was sooo flirting and asked for me to go with him to travel in Europe. The sad part my supervisor was right next to me and kept giving me looks. Can you believe it ! I would have liked a note and one date with the cutie would have been good for me.
Oh how flattering for him. You did it, you are strong and brave – if it happens it happens, but you opened a chance for it to happen. If it doesn’t happen, it never was going to – and therefore it is no loss.
Good on you.
Rachel,
The way I look at it, if he’s married and doesn’t call, that’s much better than if he’s married and DOES! Comprehend?
As well, since you did a brave and gutsy thing, at least now you know you have the courage to do it again, if the situation calls for it again. As the old adage goes, if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!
(But I do agree with Ms. Single Mama, he’s probably getting up the nerve to call you.) He may just be busy, and often men don’t look at things the way we women do. e.g., if he doesn’t call right away, he must not be interested. So give it time, and if he doesn’t, no harm done. He’s only one man and just like you saw him, you’re bound to see others who you’re attracted to, eventually. So don’t despair.
There’s no way of knowing why guys do or do not call… it could be as simple as his old girflriend has the same name as you… to he’s currently undergoing treatment for a terminal illness…
What I’m saying is – you did something good. For both of you. You achieved something you weren’t sure you could do, and you flattered him.
If he doesn’t call, just enjoy the buzz from that.
Yeah…and don’t change your post box office if he doesn’t call!! Just make sure you look super hot every time you go in there. : ) And like Rachel said – now you know you can do it! Woo Hoo. He’ll call.
Oooh, ooh, oooh, some exciting news! I’ll post after getting the Kid into bed.
Thanks for rooting for me — all of you here, and those of you who emailed me personally, you know who you are.
It’s always Jr. High in the confines of your heart. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’
Rach, I didn’t mean the pun intentionally, but sometimes I can come up with a good one now and then!
Now, I need to read the update after you talked. (I’m working my way chronologically through the last few posts.)
You did a brave thing, regardless of the outcome. Good for you!