When I meet single dads who make stable lives for their children, actually raise them, and don’t simply hand them to the nearest available woman for babysitting (“But she wanted to!”), then I give respect. Otherwise, frankly, what I see is divorced dads with a lot of time off .

I had a significant setback (at lease it feels that way after some great advances) this afternoon. Disappointment, anger, yelling, (damn!!!!!!!!! I swore I wouldn’t do that again) guilt, resentment, death wishes for the other parent, my ex-wife, the usual shit. No, I haven’t dealt with my feelings, the emotion. That will take a couple of days. And that’s a shortcomming of the internet and blogs. When I am on the edge of major destruction, I need Local, I need instantaneous, immediate.

Leslie, knowing what some friends have gone through with girls, (some of which I have witnessed) I welcome my 2 sons.. At the same time, I will share my “advice” relative to boys–for what it’s worth.

Yep – there probably seems a lot more out there for single mothers than fathers – but most support forums I have been to have been very welcoming of fathers as much as mothers.

That said, I’m really looking forward to reading some of these above blogs and seeing how the other half survives this wild ride, especially those of you with boys.

Yes I have found that therapists are not the best source for support groups. Most teachers are at least willing to offer help. Some go the extra mile, and some say, “he’s a looser. I’m busy. Get over it.”

It is encouraging to encounter a significant number of good dads. This may not balance out the bad. Or is the bad an hyperbole from a vocal majority? minority? of embittered moms?

I am motivated by the praise and encouragement of the moms here. I don’t and never have bought the Mars and Venus notion. We are far more alike than different. Those that exploit the differences do so to advance some agenda. None of this serves the children.

I have a friend, a single mom of 2 girls, with whom I share a standing order. If either starts a pity party, the other provides a swift kick in the ass. There is a $5 fine for whining.

Also, thanks to all the Moms who commented here. Your comments really lifted my spirit. It’s nice to know that guys like us are appreciated.

After the big split-up, I rented a one bedroom apartment. There, I brooded and let the wounds fester. I was so miserable. I couldn’t believe this was happening.

The girls spent almost a year living with their mother. Then one day my oldest daughter called and said that they couldn’t stand living with their mom anymore and asked if they could come live with me. “Asked”?

The girls have been living with me ever since. The Mom has a really nice, big house now but still they choose to live here in our two bedroom apartment with me. I gave them the master bedroom with the private bathroom and the vanity counter with the big mirror. They’re girls.

I’m perfectly happy with my little box of a bedroom. I’m just a guy. What else would I need?

Sure, it’s hard raising kids by yourself. It’s hard as a Dad to raise girls. Alone. But I don’t think it’s any harder than what Moms do raising boys. Or girls. Or boys and girls. In some ways I like raising them alone. That way they are not influenced by their idiot mother.They visit her about every two, three or four weeks on a weekend. They love their mom but by Sunday they are ready to get back home.

Ok, a little more seriously now….

My son’s mom and I separated after 11 years of marriage. It was November 2001 and my son was four and half years old. The conversation about separation and custody was pretty simple actually and never contested. I won’t go into all that she and I did, but I told her that she had to leave and she already knew that I would take care of our son because I had been for the previous year as it was. No fight or argument at that point, we both knew it was the right thing to do. Six years later I am still a single parent, have moved states twice (from Va beach, to Maryland for two years, and then back) have had my son in four different schools systems, we’ve been through over half a dozen psychiatrists and counselors, learned about all kinds of acronyms and diagnoses like ADD, ADHD, ODD, BCD, BI-POLAR, Autism, Asperger’s, depression, explosive child, twice exceptional, gifted, IEP, ED, and I’m sure more are coming. I feel like a pharmacist, doctor, psychiatrist, and counselor all rolled into one. My son is bright, creative, impulsive, kind, generous, impulsive, explosive, attention starved, adventurous, oppositional, impulsive, amazingly wonderful, artistic, and impulsive. Did I mention impulsive? Ah I see that I did. Washington D.C. is INTERACTIVE for him, meaning everything is climbable. Even the Declaration of Independence, the dinosaurs, and the buildings they sit in. Everyday is a challenge and I stay tired.

I generally think of my life as having four forces comprised of my son, my job, my dating life, and my own needs. I always forget to add my own needs in there. They are never in balance. It seems like one is doing well while the others suffer so I sprint from one to the next to the next trying to balance it out. I often think that higher powers are just entertained at what I will do next, or mad at some mistake I made (and I make a lot).

I started blogging to look for other single dads, single parents, advice from ANY parents, help from people that have children like mine, and the fact that just expressing what I feel or go through seems to help me sort it all out. I have found that privacy issues can be a big hindrance in finding other local parents struggling with issues like my son, or other single parents that might need support. The schools can’t say when other children in the class or school are like yours, and neither can the medical practices. So now I try to talk to everyone I run across to look for resources. It still isn’t easy.

And now we need to rush to a basketball game. Have a great weekend!

~Mike