Comments on: I never saw a cent of child support — did you?

By: nancy

nancy — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 05:40:01 +0000

Can You legally Go after you dad as an adult for back child support payments. My dad whom I never met recently moved to the west coast to Nevada in a Gated Country Club Development. I have never received a dime. He is 65 and just retired from the Military and a federal government job. Could I put a lein on his new million dollar home.

By: ML

ML — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 02:38:56 +0000

Wow. I sit here, and listen to Obama speak of the struggles of his single mother…and I am heartened and inspired. And, i read these posts and I am shocked to see that so many of us are similar–afraid to go after support, tired of the bullying, disappointed by a legal system that does precious little, taking scraps and swallowing our pride. There has to be a better way. I AM pursuing support right now…and although I wavered for a couple of years, I am now determined to see justice served. Justice means that a father should provide (in as much as he can) for his son just as I do. It means making sure that those who decide to have children understand that they are financially and morally responsible for that child. This is not a game, people.

By: pisceshanna

pisceshanna — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 22:41:57 +0000

Ive been on my own for over a year, and I just barely filed for child support 3 months ago. I wanted to “give him a chance” to pay on his own terms. No payments yet. I kind of figured this was gonna happen, but at least I have some legal weight to throw around now. Sad. Would be even more sad if I actually depended on those payments.

By: ann marie

ann marie — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 15:06:03 +0000

I never asked my ex for one cent when i left him and took my daugher to be close to my family. I just did it on my own and he didnt offer either. i let her go to him from texas to arizona, at 6 yrs old on a plane, without thinking twice, thats her father even if he doesnt pay for her she still wants to see him so why not? well now that the years have passed things have changed. i recently had the opportunity to go to school out of state and i asked him if the time i was going to go if he would take full gaurdanship of her until i returned. he agreed and now that i am in school we had a plan to have her come see my family for the first time for christmas and he broke the agreement and now is trying to tell me that he is going to take me to court for child support. after six years of not paying he had the nerve to go through with this. i am in the middle of it right now and i was looking for hope and read this story. i do belive that everyone gets in return what they dish out so …….on that note good luck to my ex!

By: Kim

Kim — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 20:29:08 +0000

I have never received not even a cent of child support, my daughter’s father has never given her anything and he lives five minutes away. I will not pursue the issue because he should not be forced to take care of his daughter and since (Thank God) we are able to take care of her just fine. I let him be.

By: Michelle

Michelle — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 06:17:44 +0000

I had a very short relationship with the father of my child. He had already moved out of state when I found out I was pregnant. I tried for a whole year to involve him in my dtrs life. I wasn’t pushing for a relationship with him though I was open to it if it developed. In the end he just wasn’t mature enough to be the responsible one. I wanted a fully involved father for my girl, not a fly by night, when it was convenient, kind of father. I wanted all or nothing for my dtr. I couldn’t bear to see the future dissapointments since he displayed a lack of follow through throughout that first year. So he’s still out of state, and there’s no CS and no contact. He only agreed to no contact if he didn’t have to pay child support. Legally, either of us can change our minds and have it officially changed to ensure his rights and responsibilities. He has a great job and is very successful . Sometimes I dream of how much easier it would be to have the extra cash flow….but then I think about how stressful the interactions were. I’m only sad that my dtr misses out on a dad in her life. Luckily I have great male role models surrounding her! And who knows, maybe I’ll get lucky and find a real man to be in our lives permanently!

By: Legal Editor Mom

Legal Editor Mom — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 14:53:59 +0000

Amy,
Thanks for sharing your details. Your life is amazingly like mine, but I applaud you for moving on and for your healthy attitude towards the support and for focusing on your child instead of all the negative stuff. I feel the same way! While my daughter deserves everything he can provide and more, he can keep his pennies if it means my sanity.

If our support stops (and for those who never receive any), don’t despair. I truly believe in karma!

By: Amy

Amy — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 01:10:09 +0000

Legal Editor Mom,

I think we might have been married to and then divorced the same man. The last years of our marriage were during my pregnancy and our daughter’s first year. He left when she was 6 months old. Since then employment is sketchy and so is visitation. And I truly – like you beliieved this was my one true love and that I would do anything to make it work – and as you saiid “went through hell”. Having my daughter changed that. What I could not do for myself – I was able to do for her – which was to say “no more”. The man I married 10 years ago is nothing like the man I had to divorce. And while our divorce was only final this fall he had moved out over two years ago and paid no support.

I know that the support is for Sadie and I have no right to say to him “hey keep the money just leave us alone.” I would never say that anyway – as I truly hope that one day he will be able to be the man that I know he can be and be good father to her. At this moment, I thankfully accept the support when he pays it- but I doubt I will ever actively go after him for it when he doesn’t pay it. I could change my mind later – but for now the best I can do is make a stable life for her and I can’t count on his support financially or otherwise. I absolutely understand why others do follow up with getting the support. In my case, being called names and the myriad of other ways he attempts to destroy my self esteem are just not worth it. He couldn’t be marred like an adult – and he can’t divorce like one either!

By: Rhiannon

Rhiannon — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 18:25:06 +0000

My daughter’s five and since October CS has been steady, before that it was erratic. Most of the time I don’t care if I get any or not, except when cash is tight (like it is now) and it looks like my acct might go under. I guess I have the “ideal” situation. CS and no contact.

It’s better this way for me. My mom and dad divorced when I was 5 and my mom just up and disappeared (not paying CS until I was 17 and we really could’ve used it too), my dad had a kid OWL and paid CS from day one, though even though we’ve never even met him, my sister’s mom has been in and out of her life and off and on with CS… out of the 3, my sister is the most screwed up. I and my younger brother (according to his grandma whom we have some contact with) are doing much better by comparison, so I’m pretty certain my daughter’s situation is what’s best for her. As long as I (nor anyone else) goes around bad mouthing or complaining about her other biological half, I don’t think there will be any psych-trauma from this situation for her. It doesn’t seem to have affected her so far, she’s very happy and enthusiastic about life now.

If he suddenly decided he wanted to be part of her life… it would be a major upheaval. I don’t know if she or I could handle it.

By: Legal Editor Mom

Legal Editor Mom — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 14:45:49 +0000

Computer Dad,
We have very similar situations. My ex walked out on us when our daughter was born and did everything leading up to the divorce. He was the love of my life and I truly thought when we married that we would be together forever. How wrong I was. I went through hell with him, yet tried to keep my sanity and remain calm for our daughter’s sake. I will definitely remind myself of your situation and not engage when difficulties arise in the future over visitation, which I’m almost positive they will.

Leslie,
I took my ex back 5 times before we finally divorced and I can also say that when he was at home or trying to come home, we could get anything from him! (But I agree; sometimes less is more!)

And VJ, you are so right. It should not take court action or any outside force for parents to step up and be parents. It’s a huge problem and I think a ridiculous one. But I’d also like to think that those of us who are managing the single parenting and giving it our all will be blessed.