Book give-away: single moms talk about wanting

by singlemomseeking on January 21, 2008

desire women write

And the winner of Getting Off: A Woman’s Guide to Masturbation, by Playgirl magazine columnist Jamye Waxman, is Amy, who wrote:

“Masturbation vs. making love is like comparing eating bag of chips to a full dinner. Both fix that urge of being hungry – but every now and then you really want the whole deal.”

Amy, please write to me offline so I can send you a copy of the book.

Single parents, you have another chance! This week, I’m giving away a copy of Desire: Women Write About Wanting, edited by Lisa Solod Warren.

“What do women want?” writes editor Warren on her website. “We want everything.”

In this collection of essays, Warren describes the intimacy she found only after leaving her first marriage. In “Still Horny After All These Years,” S.S. Fair drives home her point that sexual desire does not fade with age. “Desire has its own circulatory system,” she writes, and “as long as you’re upright and breathing, you’re riding its eternally recurring loop of lust and satiation.”

In another recent chat with Dr. Leah — author of the best selling The Complete Single Mother: Reassuring Answers to Your Most Challenging Concerns — we were talking about why single moms are the 24-karat, real stuff.

You are probably the kind of mother who puts her kids first. Lunches are set to go before bed. You wake up thinking about what to cook for dinner. You dole out goodnight kisses without a quota — and always find the energy to read just one more story. You pay the bills on time. You make sure that your kids’ homework is done on time — and done well. You have a savings account. You schedule dentist and doctor appointments.

If you have an ex-husband, you’re doing the best you can to manage whatever challenges he places in your path. In short, you’re working hard and smart at single parenting. You’ve got a system for running things at home at least until the next crisis, but you’re managing those so much better, too. (Or, maybe you always managed on your own?)

But let’s face it, somewhere buried down deeply, there’s a woman. Maybe you miss the touch and feel of a man. Maybe you fantasize about having your own space with a lock on the door. Maybe you long to take a steamy bubble bath — without interruptions.

Tell us what you desire:

Do you want to go on a hot date for Valentine’s Day?

Do you want a night off to do as you please?

Do you want a room of your own?

Do you want to have more money in your savings account?

Let us hear all about it!

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

MikeyNMom January 25, 2008 at 11:24 am

I would love to have a night off to myself and not feel guilty about enjoying little pleasures like that. I need my alone time too but since I am all My son has I feel guilty. I want that time for me and to learn that its ok. Not to metion a lil more money in my savings…

P.s. being 22 is it ok for me to date different men.. or would that look bad on me being a mom..????


singlemomseeking January 23, 2008 at 9:51 am

LEM, thanks for bringing up a real, genuine desire… for your daughter. I agree with VJ that it might be time to truly open yourself up to a community of good men. I’m not talking about romance. I don’t know if your own father is nearby/involved, or if you have any brothers?

Kelly: ha, good one!!

Susan: you know I’m hanging onto the edge of my desk, waiting for the Big V details when the day comes.

Butrfly mom: keep us up to date about any possible rendezvous.


Legal Editor Mom January 23, 2008 at 5:29 am

Thanks for your comment. Actually many a divorced mom I know are happy that their exes stay away. It’s easier for them, as it was for me. But now that he’s back, I’d like for him to really be back and play an active role. Either that, or he could have stayed gone!

As far as the community you recommend, we all ready have that. Not only is my child blessed with doting grandparents who cater to her every whim, but she also has a network of uncles who stepped in (at birth) to assist with the father-figure role. They lavish her with affection and attention. So we’re definitely not waiting for him, only praying. 😉


VJ January 22, 2008 at 6:11 pm

I hear you LEM, but reading that while listening to Bluegrass gospel can make you cry for the injustice of it all. I think every divorced mom wants that in her life. I know many never come close to getting it either. I think creating your own ‘beloved community’ of friends and family is really the key here. Never wait for it, go out and get it. Cobble some together and stop waiting on deliverance from parties that are presently least likely to show up or recognize this need. Just a thought. But I always appreciate hearing from your experience. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’


butrflymom January 22, 2008 at 5:25 am

The first and the last on the list are tops on my list!!

i would love a hot date for Valentines that would turn into a real romance. it’s been so long since that happened i wonder if all memories are just a dream.

A college acount for the kid would be great since the stock market seems to be taking us down.


Susan January 21, 2008 at 4:10 pm

Definitely a yes to the first and the last questions on your list. (I’m fortunate to get a night off frequently enough and I have my own room.)

Regarding the first, I DO want to go on a hot date for Valentine’s Day. I recently went out with someone for the first time and, well, he didn’t strike me as the overly passionate type but man our good-bye kiss took me by surprise in all the right ways! Who knows if we’ll make it past the 2nd date (fortunately already scheduled), but I can’t help but smile thinking naughty thoughts that maybe, just maybe I might get some hotness this February 14th!

Then again, I try not to think too far in advance…and my lifetime Valentine hotness track record has been lukewarm at best.

As for the savings account, you can never have too much extra dough!


Kelly January 21, 2008 at 1:26 pm

I want a quieter toy (ahem) so I don’t have to worry about my daughter, who sleeps in the next room, asking me what that buzzing noise was.


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