I understand why people want child-free weddings, I really do.

And in the same breath, I would hope they would understand why parents would choose not to attend….

Never heard of a kid free wedding.

You could look at it as some YOU time.

A couple of times through the years I have left my son with his grandparents to take some time out for me, but not specifically for a wedding. Not much help am I?

I can see it as a nice getaway but no, I’ve never been invited where it’s been stated “no kids”.

I guess with going to events of friends that don’t have kids (or any in the famiy that will be there) I don’t bring mine, I feel bad having the kid sit there bored when he’d rather be playing at grandmas.

That said, I’d never have a kids free wedding, it’s a family affair so it just doesn’t seem right.

I’m sort of a pill about this sort of thing, I guess. I’ve worked so hard to teach my daughter how to behave, and fought so much and so long to have her included in mainstream classes and whatnot, and I don’t think I’d really want to then turn around and then exclude her from an event that is theoretically meant for families. I’m not sure exactly how I’d explain that to her without looking like a hypocrite, or like I don’t trust her.

I don’t know. I can see the reasons for some people to opt for a kid-free wedding. But I think I’d probably pass. That’s just me, however. I’m also old and grumpy.

I/we actually had a kid free wedding simply because we were trying to keep it small (immediate family only) so that it could be cozy and elegant. And it was. With less people we were able to do more. (I was determined to pay cash for everything and not incur debt that we’d be trying to pay off years later, and obviously that’s a good thing, because we’re now divorced!)

My ex’s niece and nephew were the flower girl and ringbearer so they were the exception, and no one else minded the exclusion. Actually the only children being excluded were on my side, and my cousin and his wife were thrilled with the inivte because they got someone to overnight with their kids and they used it as a date night, including staying in a hotel themselves after the reception. (With 4 kids they rarely have any time to themselves.)

While I haven’t yet been invited to one, obviously I understand if a couple chooses to have such an event, as there could be a number of reasons. As well, I do agree with Jenn that I would hope the couple would understand a decline, because at this point in my and my daughter’s young life, I would probably be one of the parents who opted not to go.

However, Rachel, it sounds like you do want to go, and considering the nature of the relationship, it’s certainly understandable. If it was someone close or special to me and I wanted to go, if I could arrange suitable overnight care (like my parents), I would try to go. You didn’t mention what you’d do with Mae, but if you have someone trustworthy you can leave her with, go for it.

I totally understand events in general being “kid free.” Just like sometimes it’s nice to go to a restaurant without a kids menu, its nice to go to an event where there are no children. And I love kids!!!! Except for my own (who are not young)…if I’d ever marry again I know I would not want any children at the reception.

We had kid-free wedding, but I guess we took a “soft sell” approach. That is, we only addressed the invitation to the adults and didn’t explicitly say “don’t bring those kids of yours!” It wasn’t really a problem, though, because most of my extended family lived out of state and only 1 or 2 cousins even had children then. Our friends in the area left their kids at home. Like Legal Editor Mom, we wanted an “elegant” reception and didn’t want to have to worry about providing entertainment or babysitting for young children.

That said, now being a single mom I’d certainly understand if someone couldn’t attend because of no babysitting options…and I’d probably see if I could find a way to help with babysitting arrangements if need be.

It might be nice for you to have some away/adult time and for Mae to get to spend time with your parents or a friend who would sit. Go for it if you can!

I don’t know. I’m a kind of Love me, love my kid person. If the wedding I took my daughter to last Sept. had been no-kids, I wouldn’t have gone. And that wedding wasn’t at all far from where I live.

I guess the important point is WHY their wedding is kids free. They can’t afford the 20-plus extra guests. Parents can come without kids, but kids can’t come without parents, so I guess it makes sense.

The problem is… it feels very close to discrimination. It’s very easy to get upset and frustrated and feel like someone’s insulting your kid. I mean, if you think about it, would it be acceptable to have a Parents-free wedding?

Sounds like a sticky situation. I understand both sides, the ‘kids free’, and the ‘what do I do with my child during’…I betcha your not the only one that has been invited to this wedding in the same delima.
It seems to me that their would be some local people attending the wedding that maybe had teenage kids that could possibly watch some other attenders children. Kinda like a wedding daycare deal.
Then the kids have something fun to do during, and you can enjoy the ceremony.
Best of luck to you.

I hope they didn’t actually indicate on the invitation that it was “kid-free” That would be awfully rude.
If you have the means to go on your own…I say do it…we all need a break and this may just be yours..
Personally…if I received an invitation for a kid free wedding, heard from others that that was the request of the host, or I knew for a fact their would be no other kids there…I wouldn’t go.
I am of the same school of thought as Rhiannon “love me love my kid”
But my situation is different…My closest family is 3000 miles away, I don’t have anyone that I trust to watch my child for a few days.

Oh, yes, I should have clarified that my friend’s No Kids decision was based on finances. (Although between you and me, how much does it really cost to set up one additional kids’ table and toss out some chicken nuggets and fries?)

Thank you all SO much for your advice. I still have the “response card” sitting here, on my desk, without any boxes marked. “Accept?” vs. “Regret?”

The verdict is out… but all of you getting me to think for sure. Like Robert, I’m feeling kind of old and grumpy right now, too.

As Rhiannon and Jessica said, I’m also on the “love me, love my kid” track right now.

Well, depending on how many guests you’re inviting overall and the actual venue, one (or more) additional table and additional food CAN cost a lot more, particularly if the place or caterer has a limited children’s menu or offerings. As well, not many places “toss out” food. It’s usually a per person charge.

Those of you who’ve read my past comments know that you can’t get much more “loyal” to your kid than me, and again, I am in the group that would more than likely opt to take a pass.

However, my wedding, despite being to the wrong man, was truly elegant kid-free, and I’m glad we did it that way.

I think whether or not a wedding is kid free is a personal choice. Everyone has different expectations for a wedding—I had kids on my wedding only because he had a kid. WE did have a room with pizza, juice and dessers—and games—that did cost extra on top of already expsnsive wedding–I chose to have a separate meal for the kids because it would have cost $35 per plate for something they wouldn’t like (jamaican jerked chicken, mahi mahi and the like).

But, I did go to a wedding all by myself last summer. I dropped my child off in Jacksonville, FL to her favorite aunt and uncle’s house–and took off to Key West for the weekend! Boy, was it wonderful for me to dance all night long with all sorts of people–and eat without any interruptions—and drink pina coladas without a worry. Heck, I even met a man there! None of this would have happened if I brought my child a long. I think it’s healthy to have good dose of adult fun once in awhile.

OK, I’m going to go on a different track here. I have a young child too. I would go sans child if the friend was a very close friend and I REALLY wanted to be there. If it was just an acquaitance (sp?)or not so close friend, I would be happy to skip it. The point is, it’s your friend’s wedding and she/he is entitled to have the wedding however they want, be it adults only in this case. It would be rather selfish of me to expect them to make exceptions otherwise. I echo what others have said though that I hope they wouldn’t get too bent out of shape if I decided to pass on attending.

I think it depends on how close I was to the person. My best friend from childhood? Absolutely! If I can find a sitter whenever I want to hang out with my local friends or go on a date, surely I can find a sitter to share my best friend’s special day. Even if I had to bring the sitter with me to watch my child during the ceremony/reception, we could turn it into a mini vacation for all of us.

I went to 3 child-free weddings when my daughter was young - but the only reason that I did was there were other family members there with children so we could share babysitting costs (had to travel for each of them).

When we get married later in the year, it will definitely be with children, as my daughter will be very much a part of the occasion.

Each to their own, I suppose.

I can understand kid-free wedding. And I think you can request your parents to childmind