My Life

Change isn’t easy, and we went through a hell of a lot of it in 2007

Last night, when we got home after watching the ball drop on TV in our old neck of the woods– New York City — Mae burst into tears.

We’d just had dinner at the home of a single mom friend in our ‘hood. The girls, who are in second grade together, let poppers explode. Then they braided their moms’ hair. But back at home, on the sofa, her tears fell.

Me: “Honey, what’s wrong?”

Mae: “I’m just so sad–” (more tears)

Me: “Why?”

Mae: “The year is almost over and I’ll miss everything, it makes me so sad.”

Don’t get me wrong, my daughter is very sensitive, and the verge of dramatic (dare I say, like her Mama?) But I’m in awe of how deeply she feels. Change isn’t easy, and we went through a hell of a lot of it in 2007.

If I had any doubts about how many transitions my kid and I had last year, my journal doesn’t lie. Last night — as Mae sat on the rug making a “playroom” for her puppy-stuffed-animal — I looked through my 2007 journals from this time one year ago. My entries were sparse and erratic, not to mention on the distraught side.

My book had just come out, and my relationship with the Israeli was finished — although I couldn’t admit this just yet. Another one of his guy friends was staying with us last winter, and he’d sensed something was very wrong. He must have noticed how the Israeli always fell asleep on the sofa, and never with me. The friend told me one evening, as we stood alone in the kitchen: “Give him more space, it’s quite a shock going from lifelong bachelor to instant family–”

But he didn’t need more space. He needed all of his space. It was time for Mae and me to get moving, and we did.

This past year, Mae has unfolded in our new home. She learned how to ride a bike without training wheels. She learned how to roller skate –which she does every Sunday, on our way to the Farmer’s Market. She learned how to ice skate without holding onto a grown up. She’s reading chapter books by herself (anything about dogs). She has stopped biting her bottom lip, anxiously, as she did at the Israeli’s house.

This morning, Mae and I going to make crepes for our friends who are on their way over: a couple of single moms and their daughters. Wish me luck.

Mae as a magic mirror in her school play in 2007

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