Should you date a man who’s NOT divorced yet?

by singlemomseeking on December 19, 2007

marriage.jpgNo, you shouldn’t.

But maybe you’ll just have to learn this the hard way — as I have.

If you’ve read my book, then you knew that I’ve fallen for a not-divorced-yet dad before.

This fall, I met another not-yet-divorced dad — but this time my guard was up. For the record, I really liked him. We’d spotted each other at the indoor swimming pool with our girls, and I was really struck by what an adoring dad he was. He invited us out for ice cream, and his little girl won me over, as chocolate dripped down her chin. He wiped it off, and didn’t fret when chocolate soon splattered her clean jacket. I can easily say that he proved to be one of the best dads I’ve ever met. He got an A+ in reliability from me; he had his daughter more than half the time.

As the girls chased each other in the grass, he and I talked in whispers. It was clear that he wasn’t going back to his wife. But it was also clear that he was still angry and hurt. I told him that I wanted to be friends. But no more. He said that he appreciated my honesty.

But he didn’t. Because he wanted more. And more. Every time we got together, he pressed me… he wanted to know why I wouldn’t date him?

“You’re still married,” I said. “It’s messy.”

When I finally caved in, I didn’t blame him. I’m human. I need and want to be touched. But once I went there, it wasn’t right. Legally, he’s still married. Emotionally, he’s still resentful and hurt. He and his wife are still battling it out with lawyers.

The sad part is that we could’ve had a hearty, meaningful friendship.

Do tell: Have you ever dated a man who’s NOT divorced yet?

What do you say?

Photo courtesy of Garrison Photo

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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

singlemomseeking September 28, 2009 at 3:54 pm


Thanks for your great comment. Whew. Because this issue is SO common, I’ve reached out to Dr. Leah at my new blog,

We’re planning to post your dilemma next month, in mid-October. In the meantime, please take care of yourself. He sounds a bit controlling? Yes?


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