Should you date a man who’s NOT divorced yet?

by singlemomseeking on December 19, 2007

marriage.jpgNo, you shouldn’t.

But maybe you’ll just have to learn this the hard way — as I have.

If you’ve read my book, then you knew that I’ve fallen for a not-divorced-yet dad before.

This fall, I met another not-yet-divorced dad — but this time my guard was up. For the record, I really liked him. We’d spotted each other at the indoor swimming pool with our girls, and I was really struck by what an adoring dad he was. He invited us out for ice cream, and his little girl won me over, as chocolate dripped down her chin. He wiped it off, and didn’t fret when chocolate soon splattered her clean jacket. I can easily say that he proved to be one of the best dads I’ve ever met. He got an A+ in reliability from me; he had his daughter more than half the time.

As the girls chased each other in the grass, he and I talked in whispers. It was clear that he wasn’t going back to his wife. But it was also clear that he was still angry and hurt. I told him that I wanted to be friends. But no more. He said that he appreciated my honesty.

But he didn’t. Because he wanted more. And more. Every time we got together, he pressed me… he wanted to know why I wouldn’t date him?

“You’re still married,” I said. “It’s messy.”

When I finally caved in, I didn’t blame him. I’m human. I need and want to be touched. But once I went there, it wasn’t right. Legally, he’s still married. Emotionally, he’s still resentful and hurt. He and his wife are still battling it out with lawyers.

The sad part is that we could’ve had a hearty, meaningful friendship.

Do tell: Have you ever dated a man who’s NOT divorced yet?

What do you say?

Photo courtesy of Garrison Photo

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Lori-Anne Lambert February 28, 2017 at 2:09 am

hi My name is Loriaan
I am a recent divorced mother of two lovely boys
the man I fell in love with wasn’t in any way going to tell his wife
needed more time he said. until someone spilled the beans and he had
to tell her.
she moved out of their house with their two boys
he then said that he was waiting for money to start the divorce and then he said she put the divorce in progress so he now has to wait for the paperwork to reach his lawyer.
I have no Idea what to do also. should I wait it out 3 months and then dump him or should I just tell him he had time for 6 months now and he is still married I’m out. I mean how nice is it to just get away with dating me and then go back to his wife if I dump he keeping his options open.. i wonder


singlemomseeking September 28, 2009 at 3:54 pm


Thanks for your great comment. Whew. Because this issue is SO common, I’ve reached out to Dr. Leah at my new blog,

We’re planning to post your dilemma next month, in mid-October. In the meantime, please take care of yourself. He sounds a bit controlling? Yes?


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