Recently divorced and driving his Porsche…

by singlemomseeking on December 9, 2007

Was His

“Was His.”

Get it? Ha!

Sure, go ahead and laugh (I did). But seriously, Dr. Leah Klungness, author of The Complete Single Mother: Reassuring Answers to Your Most Challenging Concerns, sent this to me today, with a little explanation:

The photo had landed in her Inbox from “a recent new man in my life” with the caption “Living Well is the Best Revenge.” He was hoping to score some points by making her laugh.

But Dr. Leah says that his email didn’t score: “Woman gets it all, and the man is left with nothing?”

“Instead, I thought of all my single mom friends (and me!) who struggled mightily to put their financial lives back on track,” Dr. Leah says.

If you’re recently divorced — or still in the middle of it — how do you get your financial life back on track?

Dr. Leah suggests:
“Try to think of yourself and your kids as a start-up company. You are the CEO. Write down all the business buzz words, such as strategy, planning, goals. Then use those buzz words to write specific lists. Think about your tasks. This keeps your ‘head’ going, even if your ‘heart’ is lagging behind.”

Dr. Leah asks:

Have you had a similar experience trying to get your “business life” back on track? What has worked for you?

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Please come and visit me… « Single Mom Seeking….
December 24, 2007 at 5:48 pm
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

kb December 9, 2007 at 12:14 pm

Getting back on track as a single mom wasn’t easy. I left LOTS behind. I gave him the house and 2/3 of our material goods just because I wanted a new life for myself and it was all just stuff. I only took what was important to me and my girls. I do have regrets at times, but that’s hindsight for ya.

I started saving what money I could, replacing items I needed and eventually bought my first home (solo). None of this was easy because I don’t receive child support. I do what I need to for my children because they are what’s important. My parents have been extremely supportive with little gifts along the way and somehow we managed to make it, without any real plan.

In the meantime I continue my education at a local college, hopefully to enhance the salary and find my dream career.

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Solo-Mommy December 9, 2007 at 2:41 pm

There is a period in my life that I now refer to as BR (before Roy) and AR (after Roy)! It’s been a few years but I am still struggling to really put it back together the way things were before. I can’t even find him, let alone get child support. But thank God for family and friends! I am making a very conscious effort to finally get on track and ahead again. Perhaps approaching it as a business strategy is what will be helpful for me also. Great idea!

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Dr. Leah December 9, 2007 at 3:28 pm

Good for you, kb!

Education is the ticket for up and out of lots of the money troubles single moms face.

Stuff is just stuff.

You do have a plan. You keep your kids the priority while moving your own life ahead by attending college.

I am keeping a good thought for you and your kids.

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Susan December 9, 2007 at 7:59 pm

I was very fortunate to be working full time in a good paying job, so while I had to adjust to only having one salary and a few more expenses to deal with, I did ok. But I can’t emphasize enough how much having a budget and sticking to it (at least the bottom line number!) helps. It is amazing how you can “lose” money and spend money on seemingly innocuous (and usually not very useful) things, or items for your kids that they don’t need. I mostly use my debit card now; this is a good way to pay attention to what you are spending.

If anyone is interested, I’d be happy to email you a budget template I created (actually with the ex when we were married). It is in excel and lists several different budgeting categories, which can be a starting point. There are also good workbooks you can find, and I’m sure here online. You can email me at susancourtad@aol.com.

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Jenn December 10, 2007 at 7:14 am

You can get back on track?

Ugh. It’s the final mountain I’ve yet to climb, despite numerous attempts. I’ll try to be organized, but then so much of the other stuff, the real, in-your-face-change-my-diaper-cook-me-food, stuff renders me telling myself, “Tomorrow” over and over again.

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Dr. Leah December 10, 2007 at 9:03 am

Jenn,

Every single mom has “been there” trying to do what must be done that minute.

Sometimes I think we set our goals too high.

Start with a simple goal like throwing out all of today’s junk mail—today!

Tell yourself that you will work on some “business” for ten minutes and give yourself permission to stop—this is a big incentive, especially if you hate this kind of job or the job brings back unwanted memories or feelings. Often, however, you get a certain momentum and you feel okay about working longer than ten minutes.

Today is always the best day to start with even just the tiniest step to move your life ahead.

Good luck!

Reply

Lexi's Mom December 10, 2007 at 8:12 pm

I always made more money than my ex, so like Susan, I had a minimal adjustment with one salary and all of the expenses alone. The matter was compounded by the fact that my ex couldn’t seem to hold a job long enough to make regular child support payments. But I got by.

Then, the unexpected happened. I lost my job. I was scared to death because while I was offered a decent severance, I knew it wouldn’t carry us forever (especially with a mortgage and a car payment!) And while I am educated and marketable, it was still scary.

Just as I signed up for unemployment and was planning my finances over the next several months, I got a job offer! Apart from two jobs I hastily applied for late one night online, I really hadn’t begun my job search. It turned out that word got out at my previous company that I was displaced, and while the new position wasn’t in my same field, it offered more money, the same benefits, and exposure to and experience with something new which surely would look good on my resume and expand my possibilities should this new career not work out.

So while I wasn’t off track for very long, I guess the moral of my story is to not lose faith. I’ve been a firm believer that when one door closes, another opens. Who knows, one day that may transcend into my love life, as well. ;-)

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singlemomseeking December 10, 2007 at 8:49 pm

Great advice mamas! Thank you. Here’s to simple goals… now, I need to get back to paying the bills.

Hey, Lexi’s mom, did you notice that I changed the Comments Box to match the background… so it’s easier to see when you type? That was for YOU, babe!

Reply

Lexi's Mom December 11, 2007 at 8:05 am

Rach,
I did notice, and I thank you for it! It’s sooo much better. Look for more of my 2 cents on upcoming topics! ;-)

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its all about determination, and making yourself happy September 25, 2009 at 8:06 pm

If you aren’t determined you wont get your financial freedom back – that simple. When I quit my marriage I had to start working which meant I had a lot less time for myself. I don’t believe in taking “everything” just because the relationship didn’t work though – remember you loved him at some point even if not now.

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