The first time that I had sex as a single mom, I wasn’t worried about my stretch marks or my scratchy, unshaven legs.
I was worried about leaking.
When I started to date again, I was still nursing M. No matter how my hungry, agitated, red-faced, and cranky my baby was, nursing calmed her down. Yes, it calmed me down, too.
I was 29 when I started to think about dating again. At that point, it was quite certain that M’s father wasn’t coming back from his European adventure, and I started to think about getting back out there. You might wonder how I even thought about hooking up with some man when my cha chas were making milk. I wondered that, too.
Of course, you’re always a mother. Of course, your kids come first. But you’re still a woman, right?
I still wrestle with these sides of myself. It’s not like I can tell the Mommy in me, “You’re on a Time Out!”
If you’re dating again — or thinking about it — how do you tell “Mommy” to take a break, even if it’s just for an hour?
How do you turn off the mother-track in order to turn yourself on?
If you’re still holding onto your stretch marks — or, the dirty laundry or your doubts about tomorrow — how do you let go?
P.S. Mock book cover by the multi-faceted superstar single dad Eric Reynolds when we were brainstorming last year. If only it were that easy, right?
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Read the book! Single Mom Seeking is a tell-all about how to date and remain a dedicated and involved parent. It’s a spunky, sexy, and moving chronicle of the humor, pitfalls, and rewards of balancing it all — single-mom style. |
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As a young male virgin I am definitely not the right person to be commenting on this…
but I don’t think it’s a case of you turning off the Mommy switch so to speak. It’s maybe realising that you are a woman and a mother. They are not exclusive and you can’t separate them. In order for you to be good at one you need to let the other flourish.
I think you will be a better mother if you let yourself be a woman and enjoy all that entails. You tell Mommy that you can be a better Mommy by letting the woman in you have some me time even if is only an hour.
Keep up the good blogging
Me, I’m no longer young, or a virgin, or lactating, or worried about dating.
My totally unrelated question is about graphic sex. (Again it’s not the lactating bit either). More precisely it’s about advertising. I know you may not have much control over this either. I assume that the former (?) cover of your book shows you picking up a small toy bear from the floor before the red leather (?) couch in your home (or one provided for the photo shoot). There’s other pics on your home page montage of that red couch, the hardwood floor and you(?) in a very serviceable & almost familiar ‘little back date dress’, and your ‘party heels’. We suppose it’s also the very same dress where you are depicted holding & handling the unrelated younger baby & the 2 wholly unrelated stand in guys (actors/’other talent’).
My question is, who’s this blond now selling your book on the front cover(?), with the seemingly mischievous smile as she kicks back the bear, and bearing & showing her legs to an obviously interested hunky sort of guy right in front of her. They’re sort of joined or touching at the knee, and the ‘little black dress’ is gone for a fantasy Hollywood cocktail number complete with unreal killer pumps that could only be worn for short sessions of ‘adult themed entertainment’, that seems to be implied.
The follow on question is merely a philosophical one. Most of the world happens to be composed of brunettes or folks with black hair. Why is it that whenever we want to sell something, we’ve got to use the blonds? And why despite being a perfectly decent & good looking author, do they feel the need to ‘improve on reality’ by suggesting things that in fact are less than reality inspired?
I know the covers are important. I know that they move books. But I think in my limited imagination that this might actually prevent some single moms from buying the book, since one look at the cover might tell them, ‘well that certainly does not relate to My life!’. It may very well appeal to a certain segment of an upscale or aspirational niche market of single moms. They may indeed buy more books, I don’t know. But I do know the vast majority of single moms I know do not own such dresses, and can be rarely found in such high style pumps.
I don’t know which strategy might sell more books. Perhaps enough guys might wonder enough about the entire topic to buy one for their favorite single gal, after thumbing through it looking for ‘pointers’ after seeing the ‘hot’ cover. The reality is a bit more messy, unpredictable, and less staged for the Hollywood ending. And reality is where most of us live. (But I just know someone from marketing is going to smirk and tell me that the world of fantasy is where they sell the most books!)
Cheers & Happy Holidays! ‘VJ’
OK that may have been just too many words over someone’s simple art design project. Amazon is still showing your original book cover. I thought it was an excellent cover, BTW, and one that was understated without being too obnoxious. It had all the elements you needed to tell the whole story right there, without the hackneyed ‘sex now’ approach. It had the aspect of time & hurried in it too, which IS really relevant, and is nowheres to seen in the newer ‘eric-mock design’.
So all this is getting to the point of the difficulty of accomplishing much with book adverts. But as you might tell, I’ve been procrastinating and seeing too much into some of this stuff!
Cheers & Again, Good Luck, ‘VJ’
Thanks for the comments on the cover… The above cover was just for fun, Eric was having a good time (NO, not like that!)….
That’s what I eventually came up with. I really liked the first cover too. This one is a bit too tabloid. Cheers, ‘VJ’
Last night, after sheer frustration and also being overwhelmed by being a mom all the time and everything in my life ALWAYS revolving around my daughter, i went out and called up a long time ‘friend’ and had wild crazy sex. It was amazing and while I know that it was just GOOD SEX. It was really GOOD. It was good to have that sexual side of me in action again. But today I feel like… what the helll? You are a mom now, you should be at home reading dr, seuss, not out at a man’s house getting your groove on the bedside table, couch, dresser, and on the dining table. It’ such a struggle Rachel. What do you think?
I am reading this and thinking to myself, did I write his in my sleep…I was thinking word for word the same thing. I was 29 and single, realizing it was over with the ex and trying to make an effort in moving on “area” of my life, as well as still breastfeeding and being intimate was a challenge to say the least. Thank you for putting this down on paper, so I know my thoughts are not the only ones. It is good to hear and I still don’t have this dating and single thing down yet!!!
Hey, mommies need love too. Sex or not, it’s probably just nice to have some attention paid to you.