Children
I gave to myself this Christmas
Go ahead and call me selfish.
I do my best give to my kid all-year round. My friends and family will tell you. Ask them, really.
As we approached December 25, I was spent. I’m not the kind of person who forgets things or wants to sleep in. But that’s what was happening. Last weekend, after Mae played soccer, I got back into bed and cried. What was wrong with me? It wasn’t “that time of month” yet.
I didn’t want her to see me like that. She was under my covers, at my feet, playing with her stuffed animal. “Mama, watch what Puppy can do!” she said, peaking out to throw her beanie into the air. I quickly wiped away a tear.
I still had loads of gifts to wrap and I was out of tape.
I just wanted to take a long nap and then go on a walk, during which I would not be commanded: “Pick me up! I’m tired!”
Yes, something was off. It wasn’t like me to feel sorry for myself. But I just didn’t want to do the holidays. Being at my mom’s house can be, uh, just a tad stressful. But keeping my kid at home wouldn’t be fair to her. Christmas already had her spinning dizzy.
Then my little sister called and asked if I wanted Christmas Eve off. Not exactly. Her dog isn’t allowed at my mom’s house, so she wanted to know: Did I want to trade my kid for her dog?
I took her up on the offer.
On Christmas Eve, I hiked in the woods with the dog. I hid from my family. I ate chocolate. I shared a beer with a handsome man in a dive bar. I went to a sappy love flick alone. The next morning, I slept in. Kind of.
I didn’t rush it or push it. I slowed down. Did you?
Photo courtesy of Wazari at www.sxc.hu.
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6 comments for “I gave to myself this Christmas”
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Rachel,
Good for you! You finally took some “me” time, albeit without male company (yeah!), and did nice yet simple things for yourself, with yourself. We all need that from time to time, and unfortunately for us single mamas it doesn’t happen often. So congrats!
I didn’t slow down this holiday (I hosted a small Xmas dinner party at my house), but I did enjoy it. I, like you, bend over backwards to take care of my kid, and there is of course nothing that I wouldn’t do for her. I also have a kind heart and generous nature towards others, often neglecting or sacrificing myself. But one of my resolutions for 2008 is to be good to myself (at least some of the time!)
Lexi’ Mom, thanks for the reminder to be Good to Yourself.
Hey, single mamas, how do you plan to be good to yourselves?
As this was my first Christmas as a single mother with my 10months old…..I didn’t slow down and yes, I did cry.
The next one will be better.
Hello Rachel,
Your site is overwhelming, so much to follow, yet so very interesting, so full of women seeking, seeking and I am saddened, where are the men, the good sort, the old reliables, willing to share, to give, to love, to be alert, intelligent, funny and undemanding? Are women asking too much? See 10 online profiles of men who are made to seem hopelessly inadequate. At any rate, i felt out of place, surrounded by women seeking and not finding, oy gevalt. I wish you everything in the new year. I know something very good is going to happen, Hillary is going to be our new president and a damn good one and you are going to find your new love and smile every day.
Rachel,
I’m with my son full time during the school year, and then he spends the summer with his mom. Come May, I am totally spent and we both need a break from each other. I’m learning to make more breaks during the year and not feel guilty for wanting time alone. It is good for him and me both. He spends a lot of time with the neighborhood kids now, and I get a babysitter much more often than I used to. It was a commitment I made to myself when he came back from his mom’s this summer and it has really made a tremendous difference.
Time alone to take care of ourselves and to move at our own pace and simply ‘be’ is important.
We would function a lot better as single moms if we actively made an effort to find this time at least one a week, even of its for a few minutes.