Top Dating Sites for Single Moms

by singlemomseeking on November 16, 2007

jdate.gifThis week, I got an email out of the blue from a single woman named Karen at Online Dating. She wrote her dissertation at the University of Southern California on that topic exactly: “Online Dating.” (Wow.) Karen says that she loves probing into the world of online dating because she hopes “my research can actually help people in life.”

Moreover, Karen’s sister is a single mom, so, she says: “I’ve learned first hand about the trials and tribulations of being a single mom.”

Here’s the deal: I’ve invited Karen at Online Dating to give us the low-down. Would you like to get informed? (I would.)

As Karen does her research this week, I’m inviting all of you to dish here:

  • Which online dating sites have you tried?
  • Are you currently on a site that you love?
  • Are there any sites you recommend that we stay clear of? Why?

Personally, I’ve been on JDate and Match.com, but I know there are LOADS of single parent sites out there.

Let’s hear what you have to say! I’m curious.

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{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }

Jensen November 17, 2007 at 12:13 am

I found a survey that gives a lot of the same details you mentioned. You should check it out, I thought it was fascinating.

http://blog.globaltestmarket.com/2007/11/16/fun-online-survey-is-online-dating-now-an-accepted-part-of-our-lives/

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kb November 17, 2007 at 12:20 am

I’ve tried two sites, myself. Match and Yahoo Personals. I had a few first dates and met two men that I dated a few months each. Overall I found there to be a lot of “lifers” out there. Guys that are on the site for years! Both of the sites panned out that way. I see plenty of guys online now that I saw three years ago when I started my single journey.

I think my problem is that i live in a smaller town in WI. VERY slim pickins and most of the men are wearing hunting gear and trucker hats in their photos! Yeah, not my type. I might have better luck if I lived in a larger city, but I’m stuck for now.

I’m very anxious to see what results you get from Karen!

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singlemomseeking November 17, 2007 at 1:03 am

KB, if it makes you feel any better, I’m out here in the Bay Area, where the pickin’s are really good… and I see a lot of “lifers” out here, too. (That’s a GREAT one: lifers! Ha ha.)

After taking a two-year break from online dating, I took another peak recently and I couldn’t believe how many guys were, well, still there, right where I’d left them.

I give them credit. I really do. They get an award for persistence.

Thanks for your comment!

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Karen November 17, 2007 at 1:25 am

I know I am supposed to wait in the green room before I come out on stage, but I have to comment on the above two posts.

I totally agree with the “lifers” moniker. I used to call them “the little engines that could”, because they just keep on truckin’.

I have a profile on both Match.com and Yahoo! and I checked my matches on both sites for kicks last week. Sure enough, the top 10 guys were the same exact guys that I had either gone out on one date with over 3 years ago, or had some form of communication with.

In retrospect, I should not have done that because both Match and Yahoo have a feature that in which you can look at who has viewed your profile. Earlier this week I received about 5 “Hey !! Long time no chat..” emails from these guys.

“E” for effort, I will give them that.

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Kvetch November 17, 2007 at 2:28 am

I am loving the term “lifers,” girlfriends! I logged back onto JDate this past week after a five month break and logged right back off. Same dudes as five years ago let alone five months ago. And when I log onto a site like Match or Yahoo I end up being matched with guys in muscle shirts and a beer in their hand. Not that a well placed muscle shirt or beer doesn’t have it’s place — just not in an online profile. I have learned through online dating that I have very high standards. I also have found that many men do not want to date single moms – when they are not with their own kids they don’t want to be with someone else’s. Tootles.

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kb November 17, 2007 at 3:17 am

I guess I just need to move to the bay area then! At least your old guys would be new to me. Actually, I love SF!! My sister lives in Napa and I visit…

As far as these lifers go, maybe they are trying, but after 3-5 years they start looking desperate. It’s borderline obsessive. I’m as anxious as the next person to meet my soul mate, but I also have a very busy life outside of dating. The online thing can take a lot of energy! I think the men that meet our standards are just afraid to try it.

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mydatesites November 17, 2007 at 11:15 am

This is really interesting I have recently set-up a dating site, for friends mostly- most of whom are afro-caribbean. Difficult to even get them to take a peek. I will come back to this site to see what comments are made. May help me with my own dating site.
nina

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Dr. Leah November 17, 2007 at 2:58 pm

I actually recently attended a professional psychologist type meeting at which online dating was discussed. Apparently, it is true that EHarmony rejects (“work on you right now ” or so they tell disqualified applicants) about one third of hopeful soul mate seekers. The psychological profile required for membership does weed out addictive types and depression—something no single mom (or any woman) needs in her life. This tidbit is certainly not an endorsement of EHarmony, but rather a suggestion that single moms consider their choice of dating site carefully before investing their emotional energy into online dating.

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Lexi's Mom November 17, 2007 at 4:06 pm

It’s not just an investment of emotional energy, it’s often an investment of money! (And from the comments so far, it’s not sounding like a worthwhile investment to me!)

I am no fan of online dating and I’d rather meet someone in person so I truly know what I’m getting. I did try “Single Parent Love Life” at Rachel’s endorsement because both sexes are parents so there’s presumably a greater understanding (and because of the free trial membership), only to find that the vast majority of singles there live in Canada. (This company is based in Canada.) I did meet one man from Toronto who has turned out to be a good friend, but the chances of a long-term commitment are nil unless one of us is willing to relocate, which, with 4 children between us, is not really likely at this point.

Bottom line for me; online dating can be a good avenue to meet a new friend, pen pal, or possibly potential date/partner, but it takes a lot of time, energy, $, patience, and perseverance.

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SoloMother November 19, 2007 at 2:35 am

I have only been dealing with online dating for about hrm, six months? I signed up for Match.com on my birthday weekend and boy howdy, could I tell some stories… the Dom, the guy who lost his wallet and wanted me to come over to his house to hang out on a first date… the guy who, after three or four dates strung out over more than a month had decided I belonged to him (and no sex was involved!) and STILL calls me… the dozens of fairly decent, but ultimately duds of a first date…

I tried Yahoo! Personals and was dismayed by how many of the same guys from Match were over there. Never went on a date with any of the Yahoos!

I did the free profile on eHarmony and Chemistry, but never felt like making the financial commitment to either of them. Isn’t True.com one of the only sites that does some sort of background check? or am I creating fodder for snopes.com now?

I’ll tell you one thing I did that was amazing. I placed a free personals ad in my local craigslist.org site, titled, “Calling All Single Fathers (AKA, must like kids)” and had dozens of seemingly nice, well-adjusted men responding to my ad. So many, in fact, that I lost hope of ever having that many coffee dates.

One father took my last-minute cancellation in good stride, and got back in touch with me a few weeks later with a date proposition that was too good to turn down (Rocky Horror Picture Show, I mean come on!) and we’ve been happily dating ever since. We’ll see how it goes. So far, I’m a happy single mama!

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VJ November 19, 2007 at 5:38 am

Well I’ve got no dish to serve up, but I’m always interested in confirmable/reliable Metrics on all those dating sites. Seemingly it’s a license to print money, with little accountability and very little transparency about how well these services might work for their clients. It’s looking more like a modern day ‘medicine show’, with lower production values & I’m sorry to say little of the entertainment value either! But that’s what I’d be most interested in. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’

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lanipai November 19, 2007 at 7:50 pm

Its been five years since my online dating tour on kiss and match.com and, not surprisingly, it hasn’t changed! There is something to be said for instant chemistry that you will never really get online. I’m sure I met many men online that, had I met them in person first, we would have gone much farther than we did online. My girlfriends and I have a saying “Ya gotta see the whites of their eyes!” You can never truly get up close and personal online.

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singlemomseeking November 19, 2007 at 7:54 pm

I LOVE that: “You gotta see the whites of their eyes!”

Or, as one of my single mom friends always says: “You can’t smell a man on a computer screen.”

Thanks!

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Susan November 20, 2007 at 3:02 am

Well, great minds think alike! I just posted Online Dating: Separating Fact from Fiction yesterday! (I’ve posted other ones, too.) It seems like I’ve been on every site possible, although this isn’t true, but I’ve been on Match, eHarmony, Chemistry, SingleParentsMeet and GreatBoyfriends.com for brief periods of time at different times.

I didn’t have that great of an experience on eHarmony, not because there was something wrong with the guys, but I just really questioned their matching capability. My best experience by far was on Match, even better than SingleParentsMeet.

All in all, I absolutely prefer to meet someone in person but it has certainly given me a new perspective on dating, a new dating pool and new stories! But I’m giving it another try. Hopefully on- or off-line it will be when I least expect it!

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lanipai November 20, 2007 at 3:13 am

Your right on with the Fact or Fiction. How easy it is to be something you’re really not when you can hide be hide a computer. Where can I read your post? Let me know and I hope you find the unexpected.

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Susan November 20, 2007 at 12:46 pm

Hi, lanipai — here is the link, or you can just click on my name and it will take you to the site. (it’s from a day or 2 ago). The post is perhaps more fun than truly useful (hey, what can I say?) but I hope you enjoy it and/or find it helpful. I’d be curious to hear your experience, too.

http://susancourtad.com/2007/11/18/online-dating-separating-fact-from-fiction/

Rachel, I’m almost done with your book…very funny/interesting online dating stories in your own right!

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lanipai November 20, 2007 at 5:07 pm

Thanks Susan. I am new to all this and am amazed at this wonderful world of online gab sessions. Frankly, it’s better than online dating. I found your article yesterday and I will certainly be back to see what you write about. I just started my own blog and it is so much fun. I’m addicted! I will be checking out what you will be writing about next.

http://lanipai.wordpress.com/2007/11/19/why-i-hate-dating-right-now/

Ciao for now.

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Susan November 21, 2007 at 12:53 am

lanipai, thanks for the link — and for looking at my views on online dating. I agree with what you wrote on your blog — and I think we all would — it’s up to us to make ourselves happy, regardless of whether a man is in the picture or not.

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lanipai November 21, 2007 at 12:59 am

Earlier I read your limp lizzard story and I am still laughing. I sent it to my Mom and told her to read it. She just called me crying she was laughing so hard. Lady, you got CHOPS! Keep writing and I’ll keep reading.

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mssinglemama November 21, 2007 at 3:41 pm

Tried eHarmony. Their matching system is a joke. You best bet is a site that allows you to surf your potential matches – like match.com or yahoo personals. MySpace is also a really good way to check out all of the men in your area. You can browse for single men in a certain age range…and can even narrow it down to divorced men if you want. Also can narrow by age. Then you can see what kind of music they like, their styles, tastes, political views and it’s FREE. Also, Craigslist is a great too. But in the end – I found one the good old fashioned way – in a bar. So far so good!

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modernsinglemomma November 23, 2007 at 7:08 am

One night after a few glasses of red wine and an hour of match.com commercials, i was ready to take a peek into the world of online dating. I didn’t know about being ready for an actual date with an internet stranger (so old fashioned, i know!), but I was ready to at least entertain a little of my curiosity and “look.” (Remember: Its okay to look! -Thanks Match.com!)
Well, I “looked” and then wanted to “wink” and then there I was 11:30pm filling out my own profile. And for any who have filled out a dating profile you know that once you start you are as good as committed because you’ve just invested all night to the processes =). (Dang right you want to find the love of your life!…After all the work you’ve done, you deserve it!) Filling out a dating profile is not something I recommend doing “on a whim” ;) (Which is pretty much what i was doing!)
After all was said and done and my profile was posted I can’t say I was that impressed with the ‘selection.’ (But I’ve always been a big dreamer and I think I was almost expecting to meet Clive Owen on there =). I did the “3-days free” trial and then pulled my profile. (So much work for nothing? I know. My fault. But it didn’t seem worth the cash…I decided I would much rather take myself out to a nice dinner and take my chances on the waiter ;) Sometimes they are pretty cute!

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singlemomseeking November 23, 2007 at 7:25 pm

Modern Single Writer: Thanks for the honest glimpse into your world. Ah ha, how many of us have been lured into online dating by simply wanting to “look”?

I believe that the actual writing of the profile (even if done on a whim) can be very eye-opening. Even if you decide not to post in the end, it’s a great exercise to get you to stop and think about what you really need and want in a relationship… Here’s to some good soul searching, right?

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lanipai November 26, 2007 at 7:39 pm

Modern Single Momma: Aaah, the power of a good bottle of red wine! Or for some of us, whatever is either left over or on sale at the store. Yes, I have been on those sites and the “its okay to look” is a great slogan (Thanks Dr. Phil). I agree that the pickins are slim, whether online or in person. I have not participated in the online dating realm for a long while and haven’t found anyone really interesting in the real world either, to tell you the truth. BTW – if you find Clive Owen on an online dating site….SEND ME THE LINK!!! Thanks.

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Solo-Mommy December 9, 2007 at 6:13 am

I unfortunately made the financial investmestment in eharmony and, 9 months into my membership, it’s been a waste. I don’t have a lot of free time or babysitting resources (for 4 kids) to go on an endless stream of first dates. If I don’t click and find that chemistry online…we won’t meet in the real world. I found a good friend on match.com, and a potential lifemate on yahoo personals, though it didn’t work out. My experience with online dating has been as good or better than the ones I have meet in person, cause they can be just as big a liar as anyone online!
I look at online dating like online shopping, and that works for me! The last place I want to meet a guy is a club or bar, perhaps because it’s someplace that I don’t frequent often anyway!

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Robert Hillman February 15, 2009 at 4:17 pm

I am fourty two
I live in ontario canada
I am a man
I raised four children alone for fourteen years.
I AM a christian I HATE CHURCHES they lie to people
I am passionate honest sexual
sensual faithful committed
I have the ability to cry
to talk to share my feelings
I am a leader not a follower
I know the worlds in trouble
I told people for the last five years this collapse was coming
I have a huge garden
and grow my own chickens
and eggs
I read alot
I am very open
and I am fourty two

but woman dont want me
Integrity@cyg.net

Reply

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