I love being single. Just the fact that Casey and I are a family of two makes it so easy to be spontaneous. I can just say “Hey, let’s go ride some roller coasters today!” and I don’t have to check with anyone or balance a bunch of schedules to do it. It’s also really nice that all parenting decisions are completely mine. Nobody is there to tell me I’m being too easy or too hard (though this one is less likely, Ha) on her. And also, I love that time I have to myself, when the kid is in bed or off at a birthday party or something. And if I wasn’t single, I wouldn’t have nearly as much of that.

I agree wholeheartedly with Kelly’s very valid points. And from the very beginning, I identified more with your “single mom” status than with your “seeking” status. I have not been seeking a man at all, and I’m not pining away to be in a relationship. I’m enjoying these incredible years of watching my child grow and mature, and I’d like to think that my nurturing, caring, and giving 100% of myself to her is going to mold her into a pretty incredible adult. Sure, it would be nice if Mr. Right came along, but honestly, I don’t see it happening any time soon, and I’m ok. with that. I call all the shots and am soley responsible for our destiny. And I like that. We do so many fun things that our lives are both happy and content.

AHHH, i can really relate here. i have been on a hiatus for a long time. the breakups and disappointments seem to pile together and i just decided to stop. seemed to be a pattern of the same men over and over. since then i have moved back “home” with my teenager and i am going back to school. by the time my daughter graduates from high school i will graduate and be ready to start a new career. if i meet a great guy along the way, awesome, but now my time seems taken up with my actual life. it’s a good hiatus in many ways to focus on myself and my daughter, though it does get lonely sometimes, but that passes too.
good luck Rachel. keep hanging in there, and your daughter is beautiful…………….

I recently bumped into singlemomseeking and have enjoyed what I’ve read so far. Me, single mom of two young girls. I’ve had my heart smashed twice over the last few years and have also had some ‘just plain frustrating’ dates. 40 is around the corner and I wonder where I’ll be in 10 yrs. I’m good with being single…I love my free time and independence, but I’d also enjoy having Mr. Right show up once in a while.

I love that the three of us have our own little family, but I think I’d be open to dating a little more if I could find a decent guy. Where do you ladies meet people??? Tried online and that was exhausting. I’m not sure where these single men are hanging out.

Welcome kb!… How about asking everyone you trust and love if he/she knows any reliable, smart, financially saavy, kind men to set you up with?… You won’t hold anything against your friend if the sparks aren’t flying.

Let us know how it goes!

This is exactly what I realized a few months ago. That if I was “seeking” constantly. Sizing up every man I saw - could he be the one - would he be a good boyfriend? Then after a few particularly bad dating experiences I just threw in the towel. I was high on life and on the fact that I wasn’t missing, pining or dreaming of a man - period. Then I met someone recently and it happened practically by accident. Check out my blog with the details, too many to dish here. But now, after becoming completely content with my singleness and our little perfect family I am experiencing dating as it should be. I am only letting this man in because he is worthy. And as of now, his foot is just in the door, not even his leg. I am now finding myself super protective of my awesome single life. Just think of all of the miserably married couples out there. We have it SO much better and so do our children. And yes, the spontaneity and ability to do whatever, whenever along with plenty of me time is my favorite part about being a single mom. If any man does get in he’ll have to earn it. Because I like my life just the way it is.

Friends and family think I’m being melodramatic when I say that I don’t think I’ll ever be in a relationship again; but I’m actually quite serious.

I enjoy the freedom that comes with not having to answer to anyone but the Queen’s, and being completely honest, I fear ever being in love again, so I am more apt to RUN, not walk, to the nearest exit if I sense an inkling of it.

And yet, I wish for someone to shovel my driveway and be in charge of the garbage, but I’ve decided that I’m ok with just having the cake, I don’t need to eat it.

Rachel and Ladies, ditto on pretty much everything above. I love my alone time and not having to “answer” to anyone else. In fact, I get together with a core group of college friends each year, and this summer I practically felt left out (and lucky) b/c I was without marriage/relationship woes to talk about, could buy what I wanted, etc.!

That being said, every once in a while I wander back into dating, which I’m doing now — online. I must say, I’m quite happy with myself and my life, but sometimes wonder, “was that it for me? was that my one chance and well, it didn’t work out?” And then I start looking a little. I know it sounds melodramatic to others “I’ll never find anyone,” as Jenn said, but it could be true. Maybe yes, maybe no, so I figure I’ll dabble in dating when I feel like it, give it up when I don’t (which I’ve done several times) and be happy that I’M happy enough to know what choice I want to make. If nothing else, my bottom line is no settling, even if that means being alone.

(But, yeah, Jenn, someone to help me hang the shelf or fix things might be nice now and then )

Haven’t dated since I had my first. Every once in awhile I start to talk with my female friends about the possibility of dating. I start with saying that I would like to find a man that would make my life easier….that’s about as far as I get before someone starts laughing and saying that my expectations are too high.

I also agree with everyone! The reason I don’t think I could be in a relationship right now is because I so very much enjoy being single. I love just being able to go at the drop of a hat without having to answer to anyone, change my mind as the wind blows, not have to split my attention between my son and a man, sleeping in on the weekends and lazing around and not having to care how I look (and it is amazing that my son will still want to snuggle and looks me in the face with no make up and my hair all over with such love in his eyes!)

Rachel, pardon the interruption, but I’m a 38 year old guy (divorced for 2 years w/o kids) and needed some advice about dating a single Mom. I realize “Why I’m not Dating” is the topic but its the closest i could find. I’m a son of an AWESOME single Mom but she never dated after i was born so it was never an issue. Now i really like this woman and she has a 5 year old son but frankly i don’t know how to handle the situation. i came across your book at amazon this evening and just bought it and was wondering if you or anyone can suggest any other good books that will shed some light on dating a single Mom. i’ve asked some of my single Mom friends but they all hate men, so they’re really no help. And unfortunately my Mom is no longer here so i can’t run to her. i just don’t want to do anything stupid. Any help would be much appreciated, Thanks!!!!

CRZ - Be yourself. You won’t mess anything up if you are respectful of her space, her relationship with her son and who she is as a person. We are single moms, but we’re still women. Don’t over think it. Also, be patient. I actually just put up a post on “how to date a single mom.” Many more details there. Good luck! You sound like an amazing guy raised by an amazing single mama!