Divorce
What’s the Real Point of Revenge?
Lately, I’ve been thinking about what a very bad idea it was for me to hack into the ex-boyfriend’s online profile this summer.
I’ve always considered myself to be the kind of woman who handles break ups well. I am the mature one who moves on, right? Watch him fall apart while I take a deep breath in Downward Dog.
I would never stoop as low as to seek revenge. You’ve read about those heartbroken women who post comments on their ex’s MySpace profiles about their little weenies. (Oh, you weren’t one of them, were you?)
I am so above those juvenile schemes. Or so I thought. Until I found my ex online — and got into his profile to make some itsy-bitsy changes.
What’s the real point of revenge? Does it really make you feel any better?
And what if you get out of control — like doing something illegal — and you get caught? Then what?
We all know that after a break up or divorce, the best thing you can do is forget about him.
Breaking into my ex’s profile didn’t really make me feel any better. Well maybe for five minutes.
In hindsight, I wish I’d had a plan to heal, not to get payback. Please tell me: what can you do to stop thinking about your ex?
I just emailed my single author friend Diane Mapes in Seattle. She’s the author of How To Date in a Post-Dating World, and one of the sassiest women I know.
Diane suggests exercising, like with a “timing” (i.e. punching) bag, because it’s “a great way to work out any anger, stress, or frustration about ex-boyfriends, bad bosses, you name it.”
One of Diane’s friends gave her this super idea: drive around in your car and scream your head off.
Have you ever tried a punching bag? How about screaming in the car (roll up the windows first!)?
What do YOU suggest?
I look forward to hearing what you come up with!
Punching bag courtesy of Anhui Herrman Impex Co., Ltd
Tags: Dating, Divorce, ex-boyfriend, ex-husband, getting back, payback, relationship, revenge, single mom Discussion
8 comments for “What’s the Real Point of Revenge?”
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The only breakup where I ever REALLY required vengeance, I took it out on my own body. I worked out so hard, I got several comments along the lines of, “Well, getting cheated on and royally dumped certainly agrees with you.”
Actually, my best post-breakup strategy was, uh, abject misery. It was excruciating, but because I wasn’t trying desperately NOT to feel that way, it didn’t last very long. Messy, but it totally worked.
Great to hear from you Jeff!
Ah, yes, plain ol’ misery. Ouch, it does hurt, doesn’t it? But I agree, maybe simply feeling the pain will get you through it… and make you stronger in the end? I think so.
As hard as it is, do not dwell on it. (Of course I learned this after crying so much that I feel I have no tears left, and in realizing that hate and self pity just aren’t healthy attributes.)
As the saying goes, “Living well is the best revenge.”
I spend more time dwelling on why I was unhappy or unfulfilled in the relationship instead of wearing rosy glasses and getting sad about what I lost.
In particular with my ex husband, I remind myself how lonely I was being married to him.
It’s far easier to be single and a little bit lonely than in a relationship and not understanding why you are so sad and alone all the time.
It’s easier if you were in an unfulfilling relationship to begin with. But when you were happy and content, it’s harder not be bitter when your life as you knew it is turned upside down, especially when it’s without warning or provocation.
The best way I have found to get over an ex (I am currently doing this) is to make a promise to delete them from your life.
delete him from your cell phone.
delete and block email and Instant Messages.
Take anyhing that you have that he has given you and either give it to charity or throw it away.
Completely clean the house from top to bottom to get his smell out of the carpet
This may seem very negative, but along the lines of not dwelling on what you lost, write a list “the things I hate about you” mine is currently about 4 pages long and still going.
I also have been known to write a closure letter…Write a letter to him pourign your guts out about all the injustices you experienced in your life. Seal it in an envelope and then burn it.
These things have helped me in the past and are currently helping me to move past the last relationship I was in that ended just about a month ago.
Thank you to all you smart women!
Jessica, the advice about the List made me laugh. But really, I should try that!
I will write down everything negative about him… and see just how many pages I reach. Wow, good advice!
[...] that note, this week, single mom Jessica offered some right-on advice in response to my blog “What’s the real point of revenge?“ “The best way I have found to get over an ex (I am currently doing this) is to make a [...]