Relationships
How Do You Deal with Loneliness?
My single dad buddy, Peter Ehrlich, founder of Single Parent Love Life, wrote recently in his column for the Canadian Star:
“How many times have we walked into a video store, spent forty-five minutes in there, only to walk out with nothing but a cloud over our head that was darker than the one we walked in with?
Lots, I bet.
Write me and tell me I’m wrong!
Often, spending Saturday night alone again because our children are away from us and we are lover-less, the only thing we end up renting is a deeper depression, not a movie.
As unbelievable as this sounds, last weekend this single dad realized that he goes to the video store as much to be with other people as to rent a video.
How pathetic and lonely is that?Somehow that’s become good enough for me on Saturday night!
I also admit that what truly propels me to go food shopping is not a hunger for food but rather a hunger to be with other human beings. I’m actually starving for company
Boy, when I come to think about it, the woman behind the fish counter serving me Snapper must wonder why I’m so bloody friendly; to the point I’m discussing how impressed I am with the layout of the fish on the ice.”
Please tell me: what do you do when you’re lonely?
Do you call a girlfriend? make an appointment with your shrink? cuddle with your kid? (I just wrote “cuddle with your cat” because that’s what I’m prone to do!)
Loneliness is part of the single parent journey,” Peter says. “We only have ourselves to depend on, seldom have anyone to touch us, and when our children are away we are forced to gaze upon toys and clothes that haunt us by their stillness; bedrooms that feel more mausoleum-like rather than a place of joy.”
What works for YOU?
(As you can see from the above photo, cuddling with my kid and our kitten does wonders for me… Photo by my lil’ sis.)
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Tags: Children, loneliness, love, Men, pets, Sex, single parent, Support, www.singleparentlovelife.com Discussion
10 comments for “How Do You Deal with Loneliness?”
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I read blogs :-O
Ditto!…. Along with a good hearty dash of emailing.
I’ll go to Barnes & Noble and browse, or go to a coffee place, or for a walk around the neighborhood. I can relate to that feeling of just wanting to get out of the house and be around other people. I also like to read blogs and email, too. Maybe I’m different, but I usually relish my alone time. i would love to find some meaningful male companionship, for sure, but right now I’m okay when my kids are with their dad and I’m on my own.
I too enjoy my alone time. But there are times I feel “Friend-Challenged” - when I’m sure no one can relate to my situation, or who’s my age, “at my level,” or been through my life. I’ve learned that those feelings are naturally “me,” and will pass in good time. I’ve learned to allow them to process, and I now try to actually feel that loneliness. To take a look at it from every angle. Then, I write. It’s very cathartic. I also pamper and indulge myself, because it so rarely happens. A nice hot bath by candlelight, a good book, or trashy magazine that I would never read otherwise. Then - I vow to get ahead of the eight ball the next time my kids will be away and make plans with my other single friends… or plans to do something I’ve always dreamed of… like taking a class or rock-climbing, or sky diving. ha ha
Mscheevious, hey I’d maybe try one of those adventurous activities with ya. I agree sometimes it’s hard to find someone who truly understands my situation. My friends who are single have no kids, so they don’t “get” how tired and challenging that can be, or why I can’t just pick up and go at times. My other friends are all coupled up. Two different worlds, with one foot in each. Maybe that’s what seems to make it sort of lonely??
i’m still at the stage where i’m only too glad to be left alone for a weekend…i sleep in ….i read…i watch dvd’s…i crank up the music…my parents and my sister stays right around the corner…they force me to come over and eat with them whenever i’m alone… but i realize that other’s aren’t that lucky…to be lonely is different from being alone… big thing is to get out in the world…join a running club…go to gym…cycling…cooking…anything…if you are frustrated with being alone…go out…you won’t find anybody when you’re alone in your own house…
Great tips Mamas!
And Stef, I hear what you’re saying about having alone-time to watch adult movies (well, NOT those kinds of adult movies!) and to simply be, be, be. Thanks for pointing that out.
Sometimes I smoke a cigarette, and worry about the cancer later. Other times I go for a walk in the city and that doesn’t help. Being around a bunch of strangers increases the feeling of being lonely. Also, Breathing the polluted air gives us cancer sooner or later..Everything we eat and drink can give us cancer. So dealing with loneliness on our death- beds will be worse. Sometimes music helps, but my ear drums are already blown out. So I guess we just have to continue being lonely in this world full of disasters!!!
Just keep on living lonely!
Single mom, divorced and lonely!,
Ann
My child doesn’t leave me on the weekends because her dad is not around. I found myself staying with my boyfriend only because I was lonely. I was barely ever intimate with him because I work 50hrs a week and commute 2hrs a day for work. I go to sleep early and get up early. I never want to leave my house on the weekend because the hastle of going somewhere with a 2yr old by myself makes me uneasy sometimes. I stay home every weekend and sulk about how lonely and depressed I am. I can’t watch DVDs that I want because they are inappropriate for my daughter to watch so I wait for her to go to sleep. When she falls asleep, I am usually too tired and I fall asleep! I am lonely and it is not good to be with someone only because I am lonely. I barely ever feel sexual since I gave birth to my daughter. It is horrible!
Erika, I encourage you with every bone in my body to please go out and connect with other single moms. We’re out there! Really. We’re in the same “boat” as you: working hard, parenting a toddler alone.
On weekends, for example, you might check out your local YMCA or a non-profit parenting organization. I’m sure you can find some supportive, caring single parent friends there!